The Freedom Song of the Jigsaw Girl

Today was my last day at the firm I've worked with for the past five years, and mostly I just feel a stunning amount of relief to be done with it. Talking with my heart-mom this evening made me realize how much I hadn't even acknowledged to myself the issues and frustrations I had with this particular workplace or how toxic it was. Unlike the last really shitty job I had, the red flags were way more subtle and took a long time to really notice. I do think my boss, his wife, and the other senior attorney at the firm are not bad people necessarily, just deeply self-involved and out of touch with the reality that most of us deal with on a day-to-day basis.

But over the last year, I've really paid more attention and realized that while they say all the right things, their actions often don't back them up. They might say they support your need to take sick leave, but will then make little snide comments or passive-aggressive remarks that suggest that they really think that maybe you're just lazy. And you could never predict if you were going to get the kind and supportive co-worker/boss or the passive-aggressive one.

It's easier to see now that the depression, anxiety, and physical health issues I've dealt with contributed to my refusing to admit to anyone (myself most especially) that I was miserable and frustrated and that the workplace was not a healthy one. I had hoped I'd gotten better about not lying to myself to try to survive shitty situations, but, apparently, that's a lesson I still need to work on. Thankfully, I am doing the work.

And now I'm quit of the place and hopefully have learned to better see more subtle workplace issues and red flags. The next two weeks will be busy with packing and cleaning. Then I'll haul my stuff and self down to Virginia and work on getting settled into my temp lodgings with family. Then it will be job hunting and settling in further. All part of the next adventure. I'm looking forward to seeing where this takes me.

paganaidd was reviewing helpful types of editors since she is well on her way to publishing her first novel. When she came across the concept of a developmental editor (sometimes referred to as a structural editor) she calmly noted that that is what she had me for, and then sent me an email telling me to add that title to my resume. Apparently there is a title for professional sounding board and creative brainstorming aid. I've been acting as such for her since she started working on her novel, and have been continuing on in that capacity now that she is working on the sequel.

In other news, that first novel, Night Draws In is now available for pre-order on Kindle, print versions will be available at a later date.

Things at work have been...interesting, for lack of a better term, since I started back in March. ( Read more... )

Tomorrow I'll be traveling to Vermont for my visit to my Lyme Doc, and then I get to spend a long weekend with family there. So that is very happy making. I have some work projects that I'll be trying to finish up during that time, and am super thankful that I can work remotely when I need to. All in all it isn't too hard to find things to be cautiously optimistic about.

I was supposed to go to Pennsylvania for the weekend for a friend's bridal shower and bachellorette party. I was very stressed and worried about this because it would have meant a second weekend traveling (last weekend was travel to Vermont to see Lyme Doc) and being out and about when I have been very low on spoons, very stressed by new job, and generally not feeling well. I was also supposed to be one of her bridesmaids, a thing that has been worrying me greatly because my ability to stand for long periods of time is pretty much nil. After really thinking about things I called my friend and let her know that I had been sick and would not be able to come this weekend, and also talked to her about my concerns regarding being a bridesmaid. She was very understanding.

( TW: Discussions of medical issues, including anxiety and depression, and discussion of dietary restrictions )

Some good things:

• Getting to spend time with Vermont family


• My teenage niece and nephew wanting to spend time with me, and getting to have wonderful meandering discussions with them


• Re-reading a favorite book (will try to find spoons to post about it separately)


• Flowers (the pollen may make me sneeze, but seeing color is lovely)


• The many amazing posts at poetree this week

If I have spoons I may go see the new Captain America movie this weekend, because it looks awesome and well worth paying theater prices for.

Today was a good day, and a nice cap to a good week.

1st: I got to have lunch with the lovely jelazakazone, and got to see her gorgeous rooster quilt in person. We sat outside in the sunshine and enjoyed our lunches. It was wonderful.

2nd: I have gotten very, very good feedback from the folks at my internship. I've managed to impress the shit out of them, both this semester and over the summer. And I found out this afternoon that they are already considering me in their budget planning for the next year. They should have an actual offer put together for me within a month or so. I really like the company and the folks that I have been working with. So, provided that the offer meets my needs, I will likely take the position that I am offered. Now I just have to figure out what I need (and what I should be asking for). I'm woefully underprepared for salary and benefits negotiations having mostly done temp to hire positions and never having made more than $23,000/year. This is a whole new world, which is a good thing even if it is strange.

3rd: It is very likely that the company will be using one of the presentations I've been working on as their Continuing Legal Education (CLE) offering at LegalTech, which is the biggest convention for litigation technology/litigation support, in February. The sad thing, I won't be able to see it presented at the conference because I will be in the final month of studying for the bar exam. But damn I'm happy that my work is likely going to be the basis for such a cool thing.

4th: I'm feeling less fatigued. So I'm guessing the iron supplements are helping. ::happy dance::