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(This is copy/pasted from my Tumblr)
The above may be a head-tilting title to some. US culture treats aging as if it is something horrific in a lot of ways, and many people actively avoid thinking about themselves aging. Many more do their best to slow the visible signs. But until recently I honestly could not picture myself older, probably because I expected to die young (mostly thanks to C-PTSD and severe depression and anxiety).
So I made it to my forties and have tried to celebrate every grey hair and laugh line as signs that I survived and am doing well. I’m out here living my life and that is awesome. But I still found it a struggle to truly envision myself older. The future just seemed impossible to visualize.
However, I recently tried a new therapy modality, Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART). It’s similar in a lot of ways to EDMR therapy, which I had heard of but never tried. Most of my previous therapy was talk therapy or cognitive behavior therapy.
ART was really strange and I had to actively work on letting go of my desire to overthink and logic the hell out of everything. But I decided to give it an honest go and was really surprised by how effective it was. It definitely gave me some handy new tools to use going forward.
But honestly one of the most profound aspects for me was the moment when I realized that I could see myself older–by days, by weeks, by years, by decades. And there is something so profoundly beautiful in being able to imagine that, in being able to see a future for yourself. Maybe it’s a vague future, but it’s still a future.
For me, the inability to see myself old wasn’t related to fear of aging. Nor am I blinded by a romanticized idea of aging. I have paid too much attention to my loved ones as they’ve aged to think it will be all great. But I also know from those same observations that it can be wonderful even with all the failings our bodies and minds can experience. We can still experience so much and I certainly have cherished the moments I’ve had with older friends and relatives. Life keeps going. We keep learning. We keep loving. And while I’ve always tried to believe that, it wasn’t until recently that I could actually see that for myself.
And I can only hope for that for everyone. May you be able to see a future for yourself. May you see yourself growing, learning, and loving for decades to come.
The above may be a head-tilting title to some. US culture treats aging as if it is something horrific in a lot of ways, and many people actively avoid thinking about themselves aging. Many more do their best to slow the visible signs. But until recently I honestly could not picture myself older, probably because I expected to die young (mostly thanks to C-PTSD and severe depression and anxiety).
So I made it to my forties and have tried to celebrate every grey hair and laugh line as signs that I survived and am doing well. I’m out here living my life and that is awesome. But I still found it a struggle to truly envision myself older. The future just seemed impossible to visualize.
However, I recently tried a new therapy modality, Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART). It’s similar in a lot of ways to EDMR therapy, which I had heard of but never tried. Most of my previous therapy was talk therapy or cognitive behavior therapy.
ART was really strange and I had to actively work on letting go of my desire to overthink and logic the hell out of everything. But I decided to give it an honest go and was really surprised by how effective it was. It definitely gave me some handy new tools to use going forward.
But honestly one of the most profound aspects for me was the moment when I realized that I could see myself older–by days, by weeks, by years, by decades. And there is something so profoundly beautiful in being able to imagine that, in being able to see a future for yourself. Maybe it’s a vague future, but it’s still a future.
For me, the inability to see myself old wasn’t related to fear of aging. Nor am I blinded by a romanticized idea of aging. I have paid too much attention to my loved ones as they’ve aged to think it will be all great. But I also know from those same observations that it can be wonderful even with all the failings our bodies and minds can experience. We can still experience so much and I certainly have cherished the moments I’ve had with older friends and relatives. Life keeps going. We keep learning. We keep loving. And while I’ve always tried to believe that, it wasn’t until recently that I could actually see that for myself.
And I can only hope for that for everyone. May you be able to see a future for yourself. May you see yourself growing, learning, and loving for decades to come.
