alee_grrl | Entries tagged with life

Sorry to have been so quiet. Life keeps marching on and I just haven't had a whole lot to say. Still trying to sort out varying fatigue issues and trying to stay a bit more active to help with my knees and other arthritic joins. Still working freelance as a paralegal and professional services consultant (with editing and other creative consulting done as well). I have one steady gig that provides me with 20 hours a week, and a few other clients who have short projects for me from time to time. ( Putting the rest under a cut as it got long. Also content warning for discussion of health issues (mostly fatigue, hormone treatment/balancing, allergies, arthritis). Nothing terribly detailed, but I know not everyone has spoons for health stuff all the time. )

So all in all, I'm doing okay and have no real complaints. Just taking most days as they come. Been listening to a lot of music on the drive to and from work. Highly recommend Beyonce's Cowboy Carter album, it's gorgeous. But another song that has completely caught my heart is the one the title of this post comes from, "On the Road" by Walk Off the Earth.

Watch on YouTube

Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: On the Road by Walk Off the EArth

(This is copy/pasted from my Tumblr)

The above may be a head-tilting title to some. US culture treats aging as if it is something horrific in a lot of ways, and many people actively avoid thinking about themselves aging. Many more do their best to slow the visible signs. But until recently I honestly could not picture myself older, probably because I expected to die young (mostly thanks to C-PTSD and severe depression and anxiety).

So I made it to my forties and have tried to celebrate every grey hair and laugh line as signs that I survived and am doing well. I’m out here living my life and that is awesome. But I still found it a struggle to truly envision myself older. The future just seemed impossible to visualize.

However, I recently tried a new therapy modality, Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART). It’s similar in a lot of ways to EDMR therapy, which I had heard of but never tried. Most of my previous therapy was talk therapy or cognitive behavior therapy.

ART was really strange and I had to actively work on letting go of my desire to overthink and logic the hell out of everything. But I decided to give it an honest go and was really surprised by how effective it was. It definitely gave me some handy new tools to use going forward.

But honestly one of the most profound aspects for me was the moment when I realized that I could see myself older–by days, by weeks, by years, by decades. And there is something so profoundly beautiful in being able to imagine that, in being able to see a future for yourself. Maybe it’s a vague future, but it’s still a future.

For me, the inability to see myself old wasn’t related to fear of aging. Nor am I blinded by a romanticized idea of aging. I have paid too much attention to my loved ones as they’ve aged to think it will be all great. But I also know from those same observations that it can be wonderful even with all the failings our bodies and minds can experience. We can still experience so much and I certainly have cherished the moments I’ve had with older friends and relatives. Life keeps going. We keep learning. We keep loving. And while I’ve always tried to believe that, it wasn’t until recently that I could actually see that for myself.

And I can only hope for that for everyone. May you be able to see a future for yourself. May you see yourself growing, learning, and loving for decades to come.

Current Mood: mellow

Hi, y'all. Sorry for the long silence. Life has been crazy this year. One of my heart-sisters had a heart attack in August and a second one a few weeks later. She is thankfully fine and recovering well, but it was terrifying for everyone. Job hunting was exhausting and demoralizing, but ultimately I decided to go freelance and focus more on part-time work for now so I could also work on fixing some of the health issues I was having. This gave me time to devote to therapy, both physical and mental, which has been very needed. I'm thankful that I could move back in with chosen family and also thankful for the available government aid (it isn't much, but every little bit helps--particularly having insurance through Medicaid). Part of me feels guilty for even applying for those benefits because there are days I don't feel particularly disabled. But then I realize that disability is disability. Even though I wouldn't qualify for social security disability because I can still work, just not 40 hours a week, doesn't mean I'm not disabled at all.

Apparently, I have developed full-blown osteoarthritis in both knees, so that's been fun. It was only discovered because I fell in August while carrying a box down the stairs. Thankfully, I was towards the bottom of the stairs, so I wasn't badly injured. I bruised my knees, scraped my shin and one ankle, and twisted the same ankle weirdly (but managed not to sprain it). The x-rays taken post-fall showed the arthritis. So that sucks, but after talking with my PCP I agreed to try physical therapy and I've been amazed at how helpful that has been. It's helped relieve the pain a lot and has built up my endurance a bit.

I can now walk a mile without thinking I'm going to die or needing to sit down partway through. I can stand comfortably for longer periods of time and my balance is improving so I'm less terrified while on stairs. It's been a mix of aquatic and land-based PT too, which has been nice. I need to look into the discount memberships for the local community gym that the aqua PT is held at as it would be nice to do that on my own time as well as during official PT.

I also started a new therapy program over the summer, one using a newer neuropsychology modality called accelerated resolution therapy. I have a post I put up on Tumblr about it that I'll copy/paste here after I get this post up. It was odd but incredibly helpful. I was honestly surprised how how effective it was. We completed the sessions just after Thanksgiving and I'm still doing well. I'm to call if things come up or get worse again, but, otherwise, I just get to keep going on with these new tools in my arsenal.

Let's see, what else to update....in September I landed a regular contract position as a paralegal for 20 hours a week, and I've been doing a lot of small projects here and there. Consulting, research, and graphic design work for one of my law school friends, and developmental editing and beta reading for some of my writer friends. I've even been able to get some writing done and have a new fic that will be going up on Tuesday (it's for a Secret Santa exchange, so I can't post it til then).

Now if I can just kick this absolutely wicked strain of strep, I'll be very good. Prior to this, I didn't even know strep could cause ear aches, but, wow, can it cause ear aches. I'm on the second round of antibiotics for it cause the symptoms came back the day after I finished the first round. Good times. But even with this nonsense, I'm doing better than I have in a long time. I feel a lot more grounded than I'd been feeling, which is really nice.

So that's the state of me. I hope y'all are all doing well and that your holiday season is as low-stress and happy-making as possible.

Current Mood: mellow

The past month and a bit has been super stressful. Allergies turned into a nasty case of bronchitis and then I lost my job. I'm recovered from bronchitis and looking for work while applying for weekly unemployment benefits that I've yet to receive (there is a delay for the first week plus an extra delay because I was paid for the remainder of my last week even if I was let go late in the day on a Wednesday). I've filed for SNAP benefits (which is basically what they call food stamps these days) and Medicaid as well. I will likely not get the SNAP benefits because my former employer is ghosting me on my requests for a termination letter. I let the social worker know this, but who the fuck knows if it will help anything.

On the brighter side, I've had some good interviews and am hopeful about a couple of positions. Both had more interviews to do and warned me it might be closer to the end of the month before they make a final decision, but I've got my fingers crossed and in the meantime will continue to submit applications to various positions. I'm thankful for a supportive chosen family, so I won't be at risk of becoming homeless or starving. Things are just going to be really tight for a while and I hate that I'm basically adding to the stresses and burdens of my loved ones while I hunt for work. But I keep reminding myself that if the positions were reversed, I'd not bat an eye at helping them out and would never consider them a burden.

So yeah, that's where I'm at right now. Holding on by a thread, but surviving. Hope life is treating you all okay.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Resilient by Rising Appalachia

Just wanted to let folks know that my move was safely managed. Not sure if some of my stuff was damaged or not, as when I got something out of the truck last night the load had definitely shifted pretty badly. But hopefully it was all packed well enough that nothing is seriously harmed.

I'm happy to be here though. I'm staying with family for the moment and will be putting most of my stuff in a small storage unit for a bit. Will start hunting for work this coming week.

But the move went well, even if it was exhausting. If I have to drive a moving truck again, I will definitely get better tie-downs (I used bungee cords this time). But all in all it went well and I survived driving a 15' truck more than 500 miles.

Hope all is well with everyone. Much love to you all.

Current Mood: accomplished

It's been nearly a week since my last day at my old firm and it is truly remarkable how light I feel, even with the stress of moving looming large. Somehow I feel more settled in my skin and more sure of my abilities. I've had some brain weasels as I pack (mostly that I'm not moving fast enough, which is ridiculous because I'm absolutely on the path to being fully packed well before next Thursday which is when the movers will be here to load the Uhaul I've reserved). But mostly what I've been feeling is contentment and joy. I'm a little sad to say goodbye to this apartment as I've truly loved living here. It's a warm and comfortable space with great energy. But I'm passing that on to the next tenant, which is a happy-making feeling as well.

It seems fitting to be moving during this season of transitions. But it seems even more fitting that my final week at work and this first week of packing coincide with another monumental, but much more devastating change in my life. Eight years ago today, we laid my father's ashes to rest in the Veteran's Cemetary--a bit more than a week after his passing. This is the first year that the anniversary didn't hit me like a sledgehammer. The grief is still there, as it always will be, but the load is lighter this year.

As I packed and did laundry in preparation for more packing, I found myself thinking of cycles and change and how it's all just part of the rhythm of life. Sometimes the changes are out of our hands, and sometimes we initiate them ourselves. The outcomes of both kinds of change can be good and bad. There were good things in those final weeks with my dad, and there are hard things with leaving a job I've had for five years and packing up an apartment that I've lived in for seven. And I once find myself at the end of a chapter of my life-long adventures, but this time I feel ready to face the next chapter with open arms and a lighter heart.

Current Mood: content
Current Music: I Shall Be Released by Eddie Vedder, Jack Johnson, and Zach Gill

Today was my last day at the firm I've worked with for the past five years, and mostly I just feel a stunning amount of relief to be done with it. Talking with my heart-mom this evening made me realize how much I hadn't even acknowledged to myself the issues and frustrations I had with this particular workplace or how toxic it was. Unlike the last really shitty job I had, the red flags were way more subtle and took a long time to really notice. I do think my boss, his wife, and the other senior attorney at the firm are not bad people necessarily, just deeply self-involved and out of touch with the reality that most of us deal with on a day-to-day basis.

But over the last year, I've really paid more attention and realized that while they say all the right things, their actions often don't back them up. They might say they support your need to take sick leave, but will then make little snide comments or passive-aggressive remarks that suggest that they really think that maybe you're just lazy. And you could never predict if you were going to get the kind and supportive co-worker/boss or the passive-aggressive one.

It's easier to see now that the depression, anxiety, and physical health issues I've dealt with contributed to my refusing to admit to anyone (myself most especially) that I was miserable and frustrated and that the workplace was not a healthy one. I had hoped I'd gotten better about not lying to myself to try to survive shitty situations, but, apparently, that's a lesson I still need to work on. Thankfully, I am doing the work.

And now I'm quit of the place and hopefully have learned to better see more subtle workplace issues and red flags. The next two weeks will be busy with packing and cleaning. Then I'll haul my stuff and self down to Virginia and work on getting settled into my temp lodgings with family. Then it will be job hunting and settling in further. All part of the next adventure. I'm looking forward to seeing where this takes me.

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: New Soul by Yael Naim

So I posted this over on my tumblr, but it's a good post for here too.

Stranger Things 4 has me thinking about the enduring power of music, which in turn got me thinking about meaningful albums in my life.

When I was around 5 or so I got a little portable boombox for Christmas one year to go along with the Get In Shape Girls toy set thing. Shortly after this I convinced my mom to get me my first non Disney sing along cassette tape, and that tape was Cyndi Lauper’s She’s So Unusual.

My favorite song was, unsurprisingly, Girls Just Want to Have Fun. And a whole lot of the innuendos and references of the songs on the album went right over little me’s head. But I loved the beats and dancing to it and it stayed in play for quite a while before eventually falling to the back of a drawer.

Fast forward a decade and a bit and you find teen me sitting in a movie theater falling in love with To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar. I had just started realizing I might not be straight (forgive a kid for growing up primarily in the rural South in the 80s and 90s being a tad slow on the uptake). More importantly, I was starting to realize that being queer didn’t make me some freak of nature that didn’t deserve to exist. That there were other people like me who lived happy and fulfilling lives. The movie ends with a scene that includes both Cyndi Lauper and an updated version of Girls Just Want to Have Fun.

This reminded me that I had that cassette somewhere and prompted me to revisit the album, which suddenly made a lot more sense and was meaningful in very different ways than it had been originally. I suddenly had more appreciation for She Bop, for instance, but my new favorite song was probably Money Changes Everything. I actually listened to that tape enough after finding it again that I wore it out.

I still love Cyndi Lauper (and not just the She’s So Unusual album). I even got to see her live in my early 20s. And Girls Just Want to Have Fun always brings back fond memories, not just of little me or teen me, but also of me singing it with friends at Karaoke in my 20s, me dancing to it at Pride in my 30s, and even just me bopping around my house in my 40s. I have a feeling it will always make me smile. I still jam out to She Bop from time to time and giggle over my teen self’s realization that it was about masturbation. And I still sing along to Money Changes Everything and feel the melancholy vibes of it in my soul. And some of Cyndi’s other songs still echo through my soul as well. Time After Time and True Colors can still make me cry. The Goonies R Good Enough never fails to make me smile (or to make me think of one of my favorite childhood films).

It’s just fascinating to me that all these years later, I can still remember getting that album and wanting to be like the cool woman on the cover with wild hair and style. There are lots of other artists and albums that have made a lasting impact on me, but that was the first. May I never stop wanting to have fun.

Current Mood: contemplative

Yes, that is a deliberate misquote in the title. 😄

The week just before Christmas was insanely busy so I didn't get a chance to post my Steter Secret Santa fic here as well as everywhere else, so I'll be doing that at the end of this short update.

The main reason it was so busy was I was trying to get everything in order at work before I left for vacation the day before Christmas Eve. My holiday plans involved traveling to Virginia to visit my chosen family and it was a fabulous week with them. I left Virginia yesterday and had a chance to spend the afternoon and evening with a very dear friend. Said friend and I were able to find rooms at the same hotel so we even got to have breakfast together today before going our separate ways to travel onwards to our own destinations. I was as safe as one can be while traveling during these times, but am still dreading taking a rapid covid test before I return to work. There is always the worry that no matter how careful one is that you will get it. But I will take the test before returning to work just to be on the safe side. I'm thankful I bought a few kits before the holidays (I wanted to test before I went, just to be extra careful).

But despite the pea soup fog that I drove through today, it was a lovely day and a fabulous trip overall. I'm glad to be home and am very much looking forward to sleeping in my own bed. I'm also glad I took Monday off as well as I'm sure the extra days to rest before returning to work will be needed. I hope you all have a safe and happy New Year! 💖💖💖

And now, back to the Steter Secret Santa fic that I mentioned before. I was delighted to write the following story and create the title art for DiscontentedWinter who is one of my favorite Steter writers.

A Change of Luck (8115 words) by vMures
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Peter Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale & Stiles Stilinski, Cora Hale & Stiles Stilinski
Characters: Stiles Stilinski, Peter Hale, Derek Hale, Cora Hale, Original Female Character(s)
Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Post-Season/Series 05 AU, College Student Stiles Stilinski, Werewolf Stiles Stilinski, Canon-Typical Violence, Bad Friend Scott McCall (Teen Wolf), Good Parent Sheriff Stilinski, Pre-Slash, Getting Together, Cuddling & Snuggling, Steter Secret Santa 2021
Summary:

Stiles curses his bad luck. Figures he’d survive Beacon Hills and get bitten by a rogue alpha while attending college. But maybe the bad penny in his life isn’t such a bad thing after all.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Maps by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs

So upon waking on my 42nd birthday I did not miraculously have some greater understanding of life, the universe, and everything. But I have had a lovely day filled with self-made Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy references and a great deal of love from friends and family.

It is somewhat stunning to realize I've lived 42 years on this Earth. Younger me certainly felt like such an age was forever distant. 😂 Most days I don't feel that different from my younger self, but I know the reality is that I've grown and settled in my skin in ways younger me wasn't sure was possible. I am still learning who I am, that is a process that never stops (nor should it stop), but I am so much more comfortable in my own sense of self these days. Sure there are hard days where my brain lies to me and my anxiety skyrockets and everything seems uncertain and a struggle. But for the most part, those days are far fewer now.

Today I have had the opportunity to reflect on the sheer number of lives that intersect with my own. The amazing people who I am blessed to call friends. And I find myself feeling spoiled with love, which is a wonderful feeling and one I wish for all my friends and family.

And perhaps I don't know the magical answers to life the universe and everything, but I do know that our connections with one another are one of the most powerful things in that universe. So thank you for being in my life. Much love and light to you all. 💖💖💖

Current Mood: happy

Well, today would have been my dad's 69th birthday and it hit me kind of hard. Mostly because I can imagine just how many terrible jokes he would have made about being 69. It also hit me that he won't be around to make Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy references when I turn 42 in November. So I shall have to remember to do so in his honor.

It's so strange to think he's been gone from the mortal plane for over six years now. Sometimes I still find myself thinking of things I want to share with him, or wish I could get his advice on. Even if he didn't know what to offer, he could usually make me laugh. Though he could just as easily make me huff in exasperation. So I wish you happy birthday, dad, wherever your spirit may be. You live on in my heart and memory.

***

For those who may have wondered, I've been doing okay otherwise. I'm back to working in the office four days a week which was an adjustment after working solely from home for some months. Things have been fairly quiet for me, and I'm still working on various writing projects in my free time.

I'm even participating in the Rough Trade challenge this month (the theme for July's challenge was Paranormal Romance). You can find my project file and story posts here: A Merry War by vMures. I've got three parts done so far.

When July is done, I'll go back to working on Hanging On. I just needed a short break from it for a while.

So that's the state of me. I'm heart-sore today, but that's okay. I'm being gentle with myself and trying to give myself room to grieve. Sometimes that's the best thing we can do.

Much love to you all. <3

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: Let Me Go by Cake

While Valentine's is a holiday that I largely ignore (save for maybe buying discounted chocolate on the 15th), I ended up participating in a small fic exchange for the holiday this year. And let me tell you, that is a very nice way to celebrate the holiday.

The fic was done through the Steter Network's discord group, so it's Teen Wolf with Stiles/Peter as the pairing. I'll post the link below.

Other than writing, life is mostly quiet for me at the moment. I'm working from home and having groceries and such delivered because I figure it's better safe than sorry when one has a truly shitty immune system. I am incredibly thankful to have Discord and my various fandom groups as well as Dreamwidth since my online communities have been keeping me from feeling too isolated and alone.

Without further ado here is the story I wrote for the delightful Bunnywest (and if you like Teen Wolf, you should check out her fics as they are amazing).

Finding Home (10137 words) by vMures
Chapters: 3/3
Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Peter Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Characters: Stiles Stilinski, Peter Hale
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Mutual Pining, Idiots in Love, Good Peter Hale, Alpha Peter Hale
Summary:

After the events of the Wild Hunt, both Peter and Stiles do their best to move on with their lives and heal from all the shit that Beacon Hills has dumped on them. What happens when, years later, they run into each other again?

Current Mood: lazy

I'm mostly okay, just quiet at the moment. My attention span has been shit this year, which has been making writing and even reading a bit difficult at times. But I'm trying to be kind to myself about not getting as much done as I would like.

I've been rediscovering my love of hidden object adventure games. I like the ones where the hidden object and puzzle games are part of a larger point and click adventure game. Unlike some of my older point and click adventure games, the hidden object ones are great for quick play through (though I still love the other ones, especially when I want to immerse myself in exploring a virtual world).

Now to get another cup of coffee and figure out what I want to do today. Probably just have a quiet day puttering online and around the house. Sometimes those are the best.

Hope everyone is as well as they can be. Much love to you all. <3

Current Mood: lazy

I'm around but kind of hermiting right now. The past couple of weeks were a bit difficult, so I've mostly just been chilling when I can.

Last Sunday would have been my dad's 68th birthday, and it hit me a bit hard this year. I have really felt his absence this year. I would have loved to hear his humorous take on the shit show that this year has been. Although I would have also worried constantly about him and his job as it involved going into big box stores to fix car audio and home theater displays and involved a hell of a lot of travel. But mostly I have really found myself missing his voice.

There was also some stuff that happened on one of my alumni groups that left me exhausted and stirred up some bad memories and issues. So that was fun. ( TW: Mentions of suicide and transphobia )

I'm slowly started to feel on a more even keel (or at least as even a keel as anyone can be right now). But this is why I've been mostly quiet. Just haven't had the spoons for words.

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: Sitting on the Dock of the Bay (Live) - Sara Bareilles

My new laptop arrived this afternoon. I've spent much of the evening getting it set up to my satisfaction. :D

It's funny how odd it can be to adjust to a different sized laptop keyboard, but it won't take long before I'm super comfortable with this one. And it's so nice to have a keyboard where all the keys work. :D I hadn't realized how much I use the arrow keys until they stopped working.

We thankfully had a break in the heat (a major break, today's high was in the 50s), which was nice. I'm mostly relieved that while it was cool the rain held off just long enough for me to enjoy a socially distant picnic with my sister and nephew who had to come up to get his stuff from the dorm. They had a three hour window to grab things this afternoon, and we managed to sneak in a short visit and lunch just before that.

I'm not someone who's super huggy or cuddly with everyone in real life (though I'm very fond of virtual hugs and affection), but with those I consider family and close friends I am and it was so weird not to be able to hug these two. But we managed even without that. :D

There was much talk of She-ra and how I need to catch up so they can gush about fic ideas and such without having to worry about spoilers. I'm only a few episodes into Season 4, so I do have a bit of catch up to do.

Hope everyone else is doing as okay as they can be right now in our crazy world. If you've got some extra money that you can spare, I encourage you to donate to Black Lives Matter, Minnesota Freedom Fund, or one of the other organizations on the ground working to affect positive change. Dylan O'Brien has shared a nice list of solid charities in this thread. Much love to you all. <3

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: "In the Wind" by Lord Huron

Life has been fairly quiet. I've been working from home and pretty much getting everything delivered, which is weird but probably wise for now.

I did have my first outing in months this past Sunday. My heart-parents invited me down (they live about an hour away) for an outdoor socially distant cook-out with just the three of us. They've been isolated as well and we all took precautions to make it as safe a gathering as possible. It was lovely to see them both (and to pet Waffle, their adorable and sweet little dog). It was really hard not to be able to hug them, but I am super glad I went and got to hang out for a few hours. The weather was perfect (just the right temp and the bugs weren't too bad yet), and the clear mountain air was divine.

In less fun news, my primary laptop died completely on Sunday. Refused to acknowledge it had an operating system installed. I did a clean install, but I've been having a lot of trouble with it lately so decided to bite the bullet and look at getting a new laptop. One of my heart-sisters had a good recommendation for a laptop that would suit my needs at a reasonable price (she just recently had to buy one to work from home as all she had was a Chromebook). My new laptop should be arriving next Sunday. In the meantime I have my even older laptop (that I also had to do a clean install on to keep running), which I have been using mostly for watching stuff since the keyboard is jankey and some of the keys don't work at all (thankfully the letter keys work, even if they are sticky and cranky sometimes). I can't complain though, the laptop that died was in heavy use for seven years and this one is 10 years old. So I've definitely gotten my mileage out of both of them.

It is going to be ridiculously hot for Vermont for the next couple of days (91 degrees for the high today and 93 tomorrow), so I won't be moving from in front of my fan much. I am contemplating a window unit a/c, but we don't usually get too many days of that level of heat. So I may just wait and see and if we turn out to have an abnormally hot summer then I probably will buy one.

Otherwise, life is quiet. I am finally starting to actually feel better, and fingers crossed that will continue to improve. I haven't gotten much writing done lately and want to get back to finishing my current Teen Wolf work in progress fic.

Mostly I've watched way too many true crime/creepy story videos on youtube and played a lot of games on my phone. 😂

Current Mood: lazy

Teeth are fixed! Whew. They did suggest that I consider getting new plates sooner rather than later (my current set is 8 years old and this is the second major repair to the lower plates and I've had some other minor repairs done to both plates). So I will consider it. But for now these will continue to suffice.

I was able to stock up on supplies while I was out, and am now safely back at home having showered and changed into clean clothes after wiping down groceries and putting them away.

The store wasn't as busy as the last time I had to go out, so that was nice. And everyone maintained a decent distance from each other. The other blessing was that I managed to get home before the heavy rain started.

So all in all, not a bad day so far. Love to everyone. <3

Current Mood: sleepy

Monday morning was my usual routine. Got up, set up work laptop so I could be ready to start at 8:30. Put the coffee on, got my bagel ready for breakfast. Settle down with coffee and breakfast. Take a bite of bagel, and hear "snap."

One of those sounds you never want to hear when it comes to dentures and teeth. After I unfroze from horrified surprise, I was able to determine that my lower plate had pretty much snapped clean in two.

I immediately called my dental office, and I have an appointment tomorrow morning to get them repaired. They should be fixable as it is a clean break. But dang that was money I would have liked not to spend.

I am incredibly thankful though that it was my bottom plates as those are easier to do without, and that with dentures at least when shit like this happens it almost never causes physical pain. So that's a blessing. I was also incredibly thankful that they could get me in this week.

So tomorrow morning I will oust myself from the house, with face covering and gloves handy. Go to the dentist, and then stop at the store and top up my supplies as the store is right next to the dentists office. So it makes sense to do it all in what is essentially one trip. Then hopefully I can hole back up at my house for several weeks without having to leave except to take the garbage out and grab the mail.

Other than this dental misadventure, things have been mostly okay. I've pretty much over whatever cold/flu bug I had, and the sinus infection that followed it. I have restarted the tetracyline for lyme treatment and that has me a bit tired right now, but it's getting better. Work is mostly okay and fairly quiet. I am slowly working on a story for a fic exchange. I will have at least the first chapter (short chapter, but a chapter) done by Sunday when the fics are due. I hope to have the second chapter finished as well, but we will see.

Anyway, I hope everyone else is hanging in there and doing as well as can be in these strange and trying times. Much love to you all.

Current Mood: okay

I'm not doing very well mentally right now, though I am trying to take care of myself. And one of the ways I can possibly help is by speaking out loud about what my brain and anxiety is doing so others can help me confirm that the brain weasels are indeed lying liars who lie.

I woke up on Wednesday with a headache and a bit of a stuffy head. Hoping it was just stress and allergies, I let folks at work know I was going to lay back down for a bit and that I would likely be late to work. My headache was better when I got up, so I went into work. Then I starting dealing with a sore throat and slight cough. By the end of the day I was feeling pretty crummy. We decided I'd work from home the rest of the week, unless I felt I wasn't up to even that. I stopped by the store to pick up a few things, feeling guilty for being out when I wasn't feeling well but knowing that I needed to get things cause I was likely to be cooped up for a while. I had previously stocked up on some things, but I was out of my usual fruit and out of meat.

I've done my best to minimize my time of facebook and such for my own mental health. And I've been relying on discord to feel more connected and less isolated, which does help.

But of course, I can't avoid all the memes that are going around (and some are very entertaining). However, a lot of the "people are stupid and panicking over nothing" memes aren't helping my mental health. I know that they aren't necessarily directed at me, but it's making my brain weasels act up something fierce. Especially since many of my observable symptoms are mild. I'm not hacking up a lung, my nose isn't dripping like a leaky faucet, I'm not running a fever by medical standards (ignoring that my normal body temp is well below the average so 98 degrees is probably a fever for me). So all I can hear is my mother's voice telling me that I'm not really sick, I'm just being lazy or looking for attention. I keep trying to tell myself that if I were truly lazy I would not have worked (albeit from home) Thursday and Friday, but brain weasels can be very loud and insistent buggers.

So I am doing what I often struggle to do, which is to actual say aloud that I am struggling. If you are also struggling, please know that you are not alone in that. I hope that everyone is taking care of themselves as best they can in this crazy world. <3 <3 <3

Current Mood: crappy

I'm rather proud of myself, there was a social event hosted by a local nerd/weirdling group yesterday evening, and for once I did not talk myself out of going. I came very close to talking myself out of going, but made it out despite my anxiety starting to spike. And once I got there and settled in, I had a lovely time and my anxiety slowly faded. I ended up staying for several hours.

The nice thing is that it was a "Dark Arts and Crafts" night (hosted by a local horror/weird things group), so it was a fairly low key event. I took a sketch pad and coloring book and my markers, pencils and charcoal. I found that I have nearly forgotten how to draw, and so ended up with some more abstract doodles rather than anything else. But it was still fun.

The other nice thing was that it was held in the community space at my favorite local occult shop, and the store was still open (they usually close at six, but decided to stay open through the event). So I treated myself to a small lovely blue stone (apatite) and the Everyday Witch Oracle cards set I'd been eyeing for some time.

Today I hope to work on my fic for the Steter Network fic exchange. I have the idea somewhat sketched out, just have to start writing. :D

Hope others are having a lovely weekend. <3 <3 <3

Current Music: Maps by Yeah Yeah Yeahs

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Manda

April 2024

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The Freedom Song of the Jigsaw Girl

salsa with the sunbeams; dance across your universe

Entries tagged with life

Don't need fixin' cause I ain't broken/don't need saving, just someone to hold

The Profound Beauty of Being Able to Visualize Your Older Self

Oh wow, it's been a while

A brief update on the state of me

Safely arrived in Virginia

I see my light come shining

To endings and new beginnings

Come home in the morning light

Home from the Holidays - plus a newish fic

42 and Mostly Harmless

May you be looking in on us and smiling

Happy Valentine's Day

Smallish update

Sitting here resting my bones

Pretty shinies

Random updates

And there was much rejoicing

Adventures in wearing dentures

Godzilla sized brain weasels are no fun at all

small steps are still steps