Sitting here resting my bones

[alee_grrl]

I'm around but kind of hermiting right now. The past couple of weeks were a bit difficult, so I've mostly just been chilling when I can.

Last Sunday would have been my dad's 68th birthday, and it hit me a bit hard this year. I have really felt his absence this year. I would have loved to hear his humorous take on the shit show that this year has been. Although I would have also worried constantly about him and his job as it involved going into big box stores to fix car audio and home theater displays and involved a hell of a lot of travel. But mostly I have really found myself missing his voice.

There was also some stuff that happened on one of my alumni groups that left me exhausted and stirred up some bad memories and issues. So that was fun. To make a long story as short as possible, the residential high school that I attended had a current student commit suicide (the student was at home since the schools had gone virtual, and it was summer so he would have been at home anyway). The student was trans, and while he was exploring his identity his friends and quite a few of the staff knew him by his chosen name and that he was a he. The school, in trying to please everyone, dead-named the student and put his chosen name in quotes and then just avoided pronouns. Trans and GNC alumni brought up the problems with this, as did the students friends. They also brought up how traumatizing this is for trans alumni and current students and why it was so. But needless to say things got a bit ugly.

Then a few days after the initial dust-up, someone posted a well meaning but poorly worded admonishment about the tone of some of the posts in the original dust-up and the assumptions that the author of this posts assumed were made. But the way the post read to me and other trans and gnc alumni was that we should have grieved in private and not opened our mouths. Myself and several others pointed this out, some more politely than others. And we had yet another dust-up. The original posted did apologize and explained where they were coming from, and a few others apologized as well. But it was not a fun evening and left me feeling drained and shaky for quite a while afterwards. Thankfully this all happened before my dad's birthday. But I was only just come out of this depressive slump when dad's birthday rolled around.

I'm slowly started to feel on a more even keel (or at least as even a keel as anyone can be right now). But this is why I've been mostly quiet. Just haven't had the spoons for words.

Comments

[amejisuto]

I'm so sorry you've had these problems. You'd think people would know better about trans people by now. It's a shame people are still ignorant. I'm also sorry about missing your dad. That's a difficult thing and nothing will help but time.

Sending you some good vibes!

[alee_grrl]

*hugs*

Thank you!

[amejisuto]

~HUGS!~ You're welcome! <3<3<3

[sperrywink]

I hope your spoons multiply.

And glad to hear from you!

[alee_grrl]

*hugs* Thank you! <3

[jpegghost]

People are ignorant.

Believe it or not I'm trans, female to male and have been out for seven years or so. On a normal day I'm perceived male, but old members of the family refuse to acknowledge it and use a lot of quotations too. It's troubling. This kid needed help and support and at the basic level, human decency, but many institutions want to please everyone so they do stuff like that and people just don't know how to act. My condolences.

[alee_grrl]

Thank you. I am happy to say that the trans/gnc alumni community is working with the school to make sure they work harder at providing an actual safe and healthy environment for the kids that attend rather than just saying they are. And that they do their best to offer support to the students when they are away from the school. While the administrative support wasn't there when I was a student more than 20 years ago, this school was the first place I felt even remotely like I belonged and attending it probably saved my life. But returning home to my dysfunctional and nonsupportive mother (I was only starting to realize I was queer, and non-binary wasn't even a term that existed in my world) was always incredibly hard after being at school and finally being able to be myself in ways I couldn't be at home. So this young man's story hit me hard. I'm glad we're trying to make sure that his friends and fellow trans students have better support going forward.

I'm sorry you're older family members refuse to acknowledge who you are. It is troubling and painful. Thank you for sharing your own experiences with me as well as your condolences. They are very appreciated. <3

[sulien]

People can be such jerks, even when we're not intending to be. I'm glad the alumni are working with the school to make things better and I hope you are successful.

In the mean time, take care of you and know that there are folks out here for you. *sending lots supportive thoughts and virtual hugs your way*

[alee_grrl]

*hugs* Thank you. <3