alee_grrl: Disney's Cheshire Cat.  Text: You may have noticed that I'm not all there myself. (cheshire cat)
My Christmas was a bit of a mixed bag. I was able to go down and visit my heart family for the week, which was really nice. But I also broke up with my girlfriend. Well, she broke up with me, but I think she was right that we weren't quite clicking romantically. We've decided to stay friends, which is good because she is a lovely person and I'd be sad to not have her in my life anymore. So it's sad, but such is the way of life I guess.

I'm sad that it didn't work out, but am glad that we tried and that we are still friends.

I am home again after my travels to Virginia, and tired and achy from the long drive. Though I did break it into two days, each day was still more than 5 hours in the car. I'm glad I've got tomorrow to recover a bit more.
alee_grrl: Dot from Animaniacs wearing a Kimono (dot in kimono)
So today I'm celebrating 40 years on this earth. It's been a relatively good day (it was a Monday, and there was a deadline looming at work that caused a bit of stress but other than that it was a good day), and I had an absolutely lovely weekend celebrating.

I have definitely felt wrapped up in love and appreciation by loved ones and friends old and new.

A friend from my childhood that I reconnected with this year shared a photo of us aged eleven or so being silly and having and good time. It was so fun to see that blast from the past.

I have gotten to spend time both online and off with my favorite people, including my sweetie who gifted me with a lovely play list that is like an aural hug.

I know a lot of people who grumble about turning 40, but to be honest, I'm kind of excited about it. I struggled pretty hard during my younger years and honestly wasn't sure I'd make it to 40. Add in the fact that my life has just gotten better as I've gotten older and I have a lot to be excited about.

When you add in that I got the best early birthday present ever when I found out someone I had a crush on also had a crush on me, and well you have a very happy Manda. :D

Thank you all for being part of my life. Much love to you all.
alee_grrl: A kitty peeking out from between a stack of books and a cup of coffee. (Default)
So I'm a little late getting these pictures up. Earlier in October I got to go to a wedding that was held at this gorgeous museum site in Manchester, Vermont (Hildene, the Lincoln family home in Vermont). It was a whole weekend affair, and such a grand time. Manchester is about two hours south of where I live, so it was a lovely drive down and a chance to really enjoy the fall foliage. The wedding was a late afternoon affair and held outside. Remarkably the weather cooperated and it was the most gorgeous weekend weather wise. Fairly mild (temps in the 60s, which is definitely not a guarantee in Vermont in October) and bright and sunny. The reception was held inside this enormous tent. The food was grand and the DJ good. My friends that got married were so clearly in love and having a blast. And I thankfully felt good and was able to stay for the whole reception. I even managed a dance or two. :D I cannot remember the last time I was awake til midnight. Lol.

Sadly, I came home and promptly came down with the flu. But I am super glad that I got to enjoy the whole weekend without feeling awful. The only misadventure was my hotel, being the incredibly cheap roadside motel that it was, had shitty water pressure and unreliable showers. But it was clean, free of bugs, and the bed was comfortable. So not the end of the world. :D

I've spent the last couple of weekends recovering from the flu and now a sinus infection. But such is life. At least I have plenty to keep myself entertained with. :D

Anyway, I wanted to share some photos that I took because it was so gorgeous and Vermont in the fall is just such an experience. So photos are under the cut. )
alee_grrl: Winter Trees silhouetted against dark blue sky at twilight with shooting stars. (shooting stars)
My mouth is thankfully healing. I was even able to wear my lower dentures for a little while this morning and eat something that required a bit of chewing. Between that and some decent sleep I'm feeling quite a bit better about life. I have no plans other than catching up on some fanfic and chilling to music. It's lovely.

Another really sweet thing that happened was my boss's wife bringing me a pan of homemade mac n'cheese. I thanked her profusely, and send an additional thank you note after heating it up for dinner. It was quite yummy and will likely feed me for a week. :D

Things like that remind me that as stressful and depressing as my job can be at times, the people I work with are really amazing and kind people.

Hope others are having a lovely weekend. <3
alee_grrl: Bruce Willis holding coffee cup.  Text reads: Coffee fail....caffiene levels dangeriously low (coffee fail)
So I found out today that I am getting a much needed raise, which should (touch wood) ease some of my financial worries. And this was very happy making news, but I lacked the energy for much more than a profound thank you to my boss. Largely because my mouth freaking hurts, and while I'm good at tuning out pain to a certain degree it is still tiring. cn: dental/mouth issues )

So needless to say, I'm tired and a bit grumpy and it was hard to show excitement over the raise. And now my brain weasels are trying to tell me that I didn't show the appropriate level of appreciation and that it will come back and bite me on the ass. Which is silly because my boss and co-workers are aware that I am having mouth issues, and because they are giving me a raise because I deserve one and have earned it, not because they wanted effusive praise. So I am happy and thankful, but will likely be more happy and thankful when I am not exhausted and in pain.
alee_grrl: Dread Pirate Roberts relaxing in satisfaction (Satisfaction)
So I took the last week off to help my heart sister move some of their stuff from Vermont to Virginia, and to help get my nephew moved back into the dorm at University. They got in Sunday evening. Nephew had class Monday morning, so we dropped him off for his class and then went and got breakfast. Then picked him back up after his class, went and picked up a moving truck, and then headed down to their storage units to start loading the truck. Cut for length. )

So that's my summer adventure(s) in a nutshell. Hope everyone is doing well. Much love to you all. <3
alee_grrl: Girl in a red sundress holding a parasol and walking through the forest (Whimsy)
So I have figured out that one way to motivate myself to get up and moving, and actually go get doctor ordered blood work done on a Saturday, is to promise myself breakfast out. I had to get blood work done about a month ago (and again today to see if the adjustments made to my thyroid meds are working) and this motivation proved fairly effective. :D

Last time I had breakfast/brunch at a place in downtown Burlington called the Skinny Pancake. It was tasty, but crowded and being downtown meant I had to pay for parking. So I asked a few friends about their favorite breakfast/brunch spots in the area, with a focus on places that were not downtown (this weekend is a local jazz festival and it was be even busier downtown than usual). Ended up at a little pub called the Spanked Puppy. Down-to-earth, blue collar style bar with absolutely amazing food and super affordable. I had biscuits and gravy and it came with way more food than I anticipated (one biscuit served open faced with sausage gravy, two eggs, two pieces of bacon, home fries, a slice of toast, and a slice of watermelon). I don't think I'll need lunch. :D Even more amazing was the total for the meal and coffee was just over $12. I'll definitely be going back there the next time I actually get out for brunch. :D

Now I'm just doing laundry and chilling, enjoying the warmer temps that we finally got, and catching up on fanfic. :D

Hope everyone else is having a lovely weekend. <3
alee_grrl: Ellie and her adventure book (Up) (adventure book)
The past few weeks have been good for reconnecting with old friends. A few weeks ago my brother let me know that someone I had been best friends with back in elementary school (we lost touch when I moved away) reached out to him on Facebook and was looking for me. I'd changed my last name so I'm a bit harder to find than my brother. I reached out and we messaged each other a bit, and traded phone numbers so we could catch up (with nearly 30 years to catch up on we figured we would be in for a long phone call). I let her know I probably would have a chance to call until after Memorial Day as I had a friend coming up to visit that weekend, and she was totally cool with that. So I finally got around to calling her today and we spent a good hour on the phone catching up.

Thanks to my often rocky self esteem especially when it comes to childhood things, I was absolutely astonished she not only remembered me, but that she missed me and was over the moon to have finally tracked me down. So knowing that she still talks about me all the time was a great blow to some very old brain weasels. I'm really happy to have her back in my life.

I also got to reconnect with a friend from law school that I hadn't seen since we graduated six years ago. She's the one who came up to visit Memorial Day weekend. And I got to meet her adorable 2 year old son. We had a lovely weekend, though I was pretty wiped by the end of it. So worth it though.

This weekend I spent mostly just resting. Got my usual weekend chores (laundry, cooking lunches for the week) done. Played way too much Merge Dragons on my phone (a very sweet, and rather addicting game involving dragons, other mythical creatures, and merging three or more items to form bigger items), and reading stories from the new Quantum Bang (a multi-fandom fix-it challenge that has some amazing stories so far. I'm in the middle of reading Keira Marco's fic and it is amazing (MCU fix it for Endgame--which while I enjoyed for the most part, I still had some massive issues with it).

Anyway, I'll try to remember to check in a little more frequently than once every six months. :D Much love to everyone. <3
alee_grrl: Candle burning next to mirror in a window sill with snow seen through the window (Winter candle)
So Winter Storm Harper hit New England yesterday evening and is having a grand time dumping a good bit of snow on us. Last I looked it seemed to have lightened up some. As of this morning we probably had 12 inches, and it's probably somewhere between 14 and 15 inches now. Post got a bit long, so I cut for length. )

All in all not a bad way to spend the weekend.
alee_grrl: Rainbow colored disco ball handing in front of white lights (christmas)
I have had all the intentions of posting more frequently for ages, but none of the follow through. But the recent meltdown of tumblr and subsequent fall-out (namely dreamwidth seeing more activity, particularly from fandom folks seeking refuge from tumblr) has reminded me of that goal.

Part of the problem for me has been trying to figure out what to write and being intimidated about posting after so long a hiatus. Not sure why the latter happens, but brains are weird. Some rambling about life, with brief mentions of health issues, including mental health stuff (though nothing in depth), under the cut. ) I'm sure there is plenty of other stuff that I could ramble about, but I'm going to wrap this post up for now. I am hoping to start posting more frequently, but make no promises. On the other hand, if there is anything you'd like to know more about, hit me up. Sometimes prompts make it easier to come up with posts.

Hope everyone is having a happy, peaceful, and as low stress as possible holiday season (and enjoying whatever particular holidays they celebrate). Much love to you all. <3
alee_grrl: Groot, a very tall humanoid tree, leaning down and peering curiously at the camera. (groot)
I returned to work full time in January, starting as an office temp through Kelly Services as a way to get my feet wet after so long outside of the regular 40 hour work world, and to start having some sort of income. In the interim I took a deep breath and reached out to potential mentors for my attorney licensing requirements (Vermont requires a completed six month mentorship as part of their newly revised licensing guidelines for attorneys).

And in looking for a mentor, I managed to also find a good starting position at a law firm. So I'm happy to share that since April 3rd I've been working as an Associate Attorney for a very small law firm. I'm also the receptionist, but the firm is literally 3 attorneys (the managing partner/attorney, two associates--including myself, and a part-time bookkeeper). So we all do a little bit of everything. The pay to start isn't great, but is better than I was making as clerical staff. And it's a way to get my foot in the door so to speak. On the super happy making side of things, I really love working with my boss and the other associate. Both are very supportive regarding health issues. And the working environment and attitudes of my co-workers tend to mesh well with my own personal beliefs and work ethic. So despite the fact that being an attorney, and a new attorney at that, is a stressful thing. I'm not nearly as stressed as I could be. I get to leave work primarily at work after I go home for the day (checking email occasionally to be sure no fires have arisen that need any attention). And my efforts at the office are appreciated by both the senior associate and our boss.

Also for a bit of "yes, Vermont is a small freaking state," I actually went to law school with the other associate. He was a year ahead of me and we didn't know each other well at the time. But there was definitely I moment of "wait, you look awfully familiar" when we first met.

So things are looking very optimistic and hopeful for me right now. I'm slowly working on getting all the mentorship requirements and activities done so I can keep my license. So many arbitrary hoops to jump through to be a lawyer. It can be more than a bit ridiculous at times. I'm enjoying the work I get to do for the most part, and learning a lot which is always a good thing. I'm still slogging through Lyme treatment and still slowly improving (though some days it is harder to tell than others). I still spend most of my downtime reading fanfic.

I can't promise that I will update more frequently. I often mean to, but don't get around to doing so. My social anxiety was really bad for a while, which ate up a lot of words and spoons. That's easing somewhat. So we shall see.

Much love to my friends here. I may not be very active online right now, but I still love the hell out of all of you.

Esquired

Oct. 9th, 2016 12:03 pm
alee_grrl: Image of Miranda from Devil Wears Prada holding her glasses and looking pensive. (dwp think)
As of Friday, October 8th, I am officially licensed to practice law in the state of Vermont. \o/

I retook the MPRE (Multistate Professional Responsibility Exam--basically the professional ethics exam) in August. Almost all states require this exam in addition to the bar, though thankfully this exam is much less strenuous. I was notified last month that my results had been passing and that the character and fitness board had approved my application (they're the lovely folks who review all that detailed background info provided during the bar exam application process), and that I was accepted for admittance to the Vermont bar. I then had 90 days to complete the licensing paperwork, pay the appropriate fees, and take the required oath. I was able to get the clerk of the Supreme Court to administer the Oath on Thursday (and get my questions about the licensing paperwork answered), and dropped off my completed paperwork and check with the licensing office. Got my official license yesterday. So I can now legally practice law in Vermont! I'll have to complete the various required CLEs (continuing legal education) and Mentorship requirements (40 hours of various supervised activities with an established member of the bar who has signed up to be a mentor), but I have two years to complete those requirements.

Not sure what my next steps are going to be, but I am considering opening a small solo practice focusing on disability law (and maybe some estate planning and elder law). As stressful as opening my own practice would be, it would also give me a flexibility of hours that I might not get working for someone else. But I have to get around my rather large insecurities and fears to get it going. I felt a bit better after running into a friend and fellow Vermont Law alum who is opening her own practice (hers will be focused on Food and Ag law). She brilliantly pointed out that we are all just making it up as we go and none of us really feel like we know what we're doing, even those who have been out in the field for a while can feel that way. So we shall see.
alee_grrl: A kitty peeking out from between a stack of books and a cup of coffee. (Default)
[personal profile] paganaidd was reviewing helpful types of editors since she is well on her way to publishing her first novel. When she came across the concept of a developmental editor (sometimes referred to as a structural editor) she calmly noted that that is what she had me for, and then sent me an email telling me to add that title to my resume. Apparently there is a title for professional sounding board and creative brainstorming aid. I've been acting as such for her since she started working on her novel, and have been continuing on in that capacity now that she is working on the sequel.

In other news, that first novel, Night Draws In is now available for pre-order on Kindle, print versions will be available at a later date.
alee_grrl: Dread Pirate Roberts relaxing in satisfaction (Dread Pirate)
I finally got my bar exam results in the mail today. After finally convincing myself to open the terrifying envelope, I managed to read with only slightly shaking hands one of the most satisfying and happy making sentences ever "On behalf of the Board of Bar Examiners, I am pleased to inform you that you passed the Vermont bar exam that was administered in February of 2016."

I still have a few things I need to do before I can be licensed (a clerkship, retake the ethics exam), but this was the hardest of the steps needed to become a licensed attorney. So whew. I'm just gonna finish drying my tears of joy and sit and bask in the glow of accomplishment. I'd go out and celebrate but I don't have the energy. This was an antibiotic increase week, which means my spoons are pretty low. But hot damn, I passed!

This wonderful song by the Doubleclicks (and if you haven't heard of this adorable geeky duo then you absolutely should go check them out, they're great fun) sums up my feelings on the matter perfectly:


alee_grrl: From Fantasia: Demon mountain from Night on Bald Mountain (bald mountain)
I sat for the Vermont Bar on Tuesday and Wednesday. It was every bit as grueling and exhausting as I expected, but I was able to manage my anxiety loads better this go round. While it is impossible to come out of the exam feeling that you passed, I do at least feel that I did my very best. I have a feeling that if I do not pass it will be by a slim margin.

Wednesday night I was so exhausted I actually had trouble getting to sleep. I have been resting and relaxing the past few days. Heck I didn't even get out of my pajamas yesterday. Today I got dressed, but that was as ambitious as it got. :) Tomorrow I'll need to actually leave the house and do grocery shopping and such. But for now I'm just chilling. I'm tremendously glad to be done with the exam. Will probably take a few weeks to rest and relax, and then I'll start working on sorting out a clerkship (a requirement to be licensed as an attorney here in Vermont) and trying to figure out what next.
alee_grrl: Rupert Giles looking up from reading a book.  Text: bookish (giles)
The past few months have gone relatively well. My main focus at the moment is diligently studying for the upcoming Vermont Bar exam, a two day exam that will take place at the end of this month. For the past few weeks I've managed to study between four and seven hours (with five being the general average) for six days a week. I take Sundays off to veg a bit. Unlike the last time I went through this process I am feeling far less overwhelmed and my anxiety is largely manageable.

It helps that I am working at my own pace and was able to start the process earlier than I did the last go round. It also helps that I am far more aware of what works well for me and what doesn't, and able to adjust my study plans accordingly. Plus I'm generally in a better place of health than I was several years ago when I was preparing for the Virginia exam. So all very good things.

It has meant that I have not been able to be all that social online or off as I tend to have very little in the way of spoons or brain power at the end of the day. But I have been trying to keep up with all my lovely friends here, even if I'm not able to comment as much as I'd like.

I am very much looking forward to being done with this process. I have a stack of books that I'm eager to dive into (including "Karen Memory" by Elizabeth Bear, "Under the Mink" by Lisa E. Davis, "Three Parts Dead" by Max Gladstone, and "Uprooted" by Naomi Novik). I'd also like to finally get around to finishing "The Martian," which I have enjoyed so far. But for a few weeks more I will continue to imprint as much law on my memory as possible (I rather feel like legal theories are ready to start dribbling out my ears at this point), and do lots of practice questions in prep for the exam. Much love to all.
alee_grrl: Image of Miranda from Devil Wears Prada holding her glasses and looking pensive. (dwp think)
So as I stated in my last update, surgery went really well. I had my first post-op check-up and the doc was super pleased with how I'm doing. The long and short of it is that I feel loads better than I did pre-surgery. I'm actually rather amazed by how much better I feel to be honest. It has been another one of those times where I have only realized how sick I truly was after the offending organ(s) have been removed (the other being post gallbladder removal). There is some pretty impressive bruising, but everything is healing up nicely and function is returning to various gut systems.

The other thing I've discovered is that I can (for now at least) tolerate certain amounts of sugars and carbs. I've been on a low yeast diet (low carbs; no sweeteners) for about five years as part of my lyme treatment. This is the first time in a long time that I've tried adding back in a substantial amount of carbs. While it has largely been a surprisingly good experience, it has brought up the many issues I have surrounding food.

The rest of this post is mostly going to be me ruminating on those issues and putting them in writing so I can use them as a reminder to myself later. Like other posts I'm sharing it publicly because others may find it helpful to feel not so alone if they have similar issues. CW: dietary and nutrition issues; body image and weight issues; OCD traits and issues; disordered eating issues; mentions of childhood abuse/trauma resulting from a parent with an undiagnosed, and therefor untreated, mental illness. Also long post is long. )

tldr; post surgery diet triggered some brain weasels, which resulted in many thinky thoughts and ponderings (as seen above in the long post under the cut). But despite the weasels and all the thinking I am doing surprisingly well emotionally and healing from surgery quite nicely. I'm also resting like I am supposed to be doing. So go me! Hope everyone else is doing alright. <3
alee_grrl: (sleep)
Yesterday was my surgery and everything went well. I was able to come home late last night and have been resting and letting my sister take care of me (though getting up and moving about as I feel up to it as that helps speed the healing process). All in all I feel pretty good considering I just had surgery. Pain levels are manageable, and heating pads are wonderful things.
alee_grrl: Burning coals of a fire.  Text: Let us walk together and find healing beyond the flames. (firewalk)
One of my friends is going through a devastating loss right now and she has been sharing updates via Facebook to keep her wider support network in the know. She is grieving the loss of her boyfriend to a mountain climbing accident and while I cannot be out west to support her and wrap her in hugs, I have certainly done my best to support her virtually with words and jedi hugs. In one post I told her how much I admired her, and how amazed I was by her strength, and also gave her kudos for rocking the self-care (including letting herself be emotional and grieving). What she said in response floored me and made me all kinds of misty eyed.

I learn this from you. I've been meaning to write to you and tell you that I"m so thankful you came into my life and made me into a better emotional being by your example. I love you


I honestly cannot think of higher praise than that. It is incredibly hard for me to accept such compliments as I do not really feel that I am all that special. I am posting it here largely so that on bad days I have an easily found reminder that I have made a difference in this world.
alee_grrl: Little green dragon with cookie sitting on a bookshelf reading a book by candlelight (dragon)
As many as they decide I guess. Though I find myself laughing at myself rather frequently over how much tech I have. I have two laptops. One is going on five years old and a bit wonky, but still a good workhorse computer. The other is a very small lightweight (11" screen) machine that is just a step up from a netbook. It's great for travel and light work. I bought it because I was terrified that my workhorse would die in the middle of taking the bar exam. And buying it has meant that my workhorse has lasted longer.

In addition to the two laptops I have my Motorola Droid phone and a Kindle Paperwhite. My father had left me an iPad that was synced up to his Kindle account, but I found it cumbersome to use and not good for much besides reading (it was a 1st gen and most apps didn't work on it anymore). So I gave it to one of my sisters who likes to hack tech. Unfortunately this has left me with a bit of a problem. If I want to read my father's e-books on a Kindle rather than on a laptop (which is very cumbersome and not well suited for reading Kindle stuff comfortable IMO) I would have to de-register my Kindle and re-register it under his account (he made sure my brother and I had the account info), and then switch it back to read my stuff. Not a practical or workable solution. So after much thought and contemplation I decided to buy another Kindle (a simple Touch this time rather than another Paperwhite; doesn't have the built in light, but I can work around that). I also ordered a kick-ass cover for it that reminds me a bit of Dad's tattoos.

While part of me feels kind of silly to have two of the same device, another part of me is thinking about how cool it is to have two entire libraries contained in such portable format.

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alee_grrl: A kitty peeking out from between a stack of books and a cup of coffee. (Default)
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