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alee_grrlSome tasks are overwhelmingly daunting and it can be hard to figure out how to manage time and minimize anxiety with these sorts of tasks. Tasks become daunting for many reasons. They may have been explained in a way that sets them out as insurmountable (e.g. final exams), it may have been a task you've done before but had negative experience with (e.g. doctors visits or other types of appointments, socializing), chronic illness and lack of reserves may make the task more difficult or impossible (for instance opening a jar of pickles is daunting because my hands usually hurt too much to get a good grip and I lack the upper body strength I once had). It may be a mix of all these factors, or something else entirely. Knowing how big a task is and how much energy it will take makes the task that much more daunting. It can get to a point where all you want to do is lay down and give up. You end up thinking "the task is impossible...why should I even try...I'm just going to fail." This saps precious time and energy and can lead to a very viscous cycle.
This sort of anxiety cyclone is something that has occurred pretty regularly throughout my life and law school experience. Prepping for the bar exam is simply proving to be a more intense storm than others that I have weathered. It is made to be a big deal from the time you start law school. Seriously, the administration spends a lot of time scaring the shit out of you in regards to the bar exam from the time you start orientation to the time you graduate. By the time you graduate it has taken on such a monstrous proportion that it might as well Mount Everest. There is a long list of what might knowledge be tested and therefore need reviewed (or learned in some cases), and a fairly short time frame. It is the test that decides whether you get to practice law or not, and while it can be taken as many times as needed, it is a very costly test. So no one wants to have to retake that sucker.
While I am tempted to sit and bemoan the impossibility of it all (and have done a few times), I mostly have been trying to apply the coping tools I already have in my skill set. Checklists and tally sheets to keep track of what lecture series I have finished and how many practice essays or practice multiple choice sessions I have completed for each topic. I found that a handwritten/printed version of this was more helpful than the online checklist the review program, mainly because I could reorder a handwritten version in a way that best suited me. When I find myself spending more time thinking about strategy and what I need to be doing or have done than reading or listening to lectures, I implement breathing strategies because focusing on my breath brings me back to the present and helps me refocus on what is in front of me. This can happen a lot and be very frustrating. Focusing on deep breathing also helps calm my anxiety a little.
I try to remember to take each day, each task as a time. I try to take some time for me each day as well. I am currently reminding myself that if I didn't do so well on a practice session, it doesn't mean I will do poorly on the exam. I just need to learn from the mistakes made in each practice session. I am also reminding myself that I have a job waiting for me at the end of all this and said job does not hinge on me passing the bar exam. But to tell the truth all that logic isn't very convincing when you are feeling overwhelmed and inadequate. It does distracts the demons of doubt somewhat though.
This sort of anxiety cyclone is something that has occurred pretty regularly throughout my life and law school experience. Prepping for the bar exam is simply proving to be a more intense storm than others that I have weathered. It is made to be a big deal from the time you start law school. Seriously, the administration spends a lot of time scaring the shit out of you in regards to the bar exam from the time you start orientation to the time you graduate. By the time you graduate it has taken on such a monstrous proportion that it might as well Mount Everest. There is a long list of what might knowledge be tested and therefore need reviewed (or learned in some cases), and a fairly short time frame. It is the test that decides whether you get to practice law or not, and while it can be taken as many times as needed, it is a very costly test. So no one wants to have to retake that sucker.
While I am tempted to sit and bemoan the impossibility of it all (and have done a few times), I mostly have been trying to apply the coping tools I already have in my skill set. Checklists and tally sheets to keep track of what lecture series I have finished and how many practice essays or practice multiple choice sessions I have completed for each topic. I found that a handwritten/printed version of this was more helpful than the online checklist the review program, mainly because I could reorder a handwritten version in a way that best suited me. When I find myself spending more time thinking about strategy and what I need to be doing or have done than reading or listening to lectures, I implement breathing strategies because focusing on my breath brings me back to the present and helps me refocus on what is in front of me. This can happen a lot and be very frustrating. Focusing on deep breathing also helps calm my anxiety a little.
I try to remember to take each day, each task as a time. I try to take some time for me each day as well. I am currently reminding myself that if I didn't do so well on a practice session, it doesn't mean I will do poorly on the exam. I just need to learn from the mistakes made in each practice session. I am also reminding myself that I have a job waiting for me at the end of all this and said job does not hinge on me passing the bar exam. But to tell the truth all that logic isn't very convincing when you are feeling overwhelmed and inadequate. It does distracts the demons of doubt somewhat though.
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Date: 2014-01-21 01:09 am (UTC)You're doing well, remembering to take breaks and doing things for you during the day as well as studying. Excellent idea doing the breathing exercises to ground and center yourself. I know the Demons of Doubt are screaming at you that you're not doing enough and that you're going to fail, but don't listen to them. When you're doing you're deep breathing and you're grounded and centered, tell yourself that you ARE good enough and that you CAN do this. Tell any Demons that whisper (or shout) to you that you ARE doing enough, that you CAN pass the bar and that you WILL pass the bar, you know it in your heart. I know you can do it because you are intelligent and dedicated and you're working hard to accomplish the task. Just believe in yourself and remember to max the minimum, everything beyond that is just gravy.
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Date: 2014-01-22 02:04 am (UTC)It sounds like you are tackling it well and are doing a great job of keeping organised, even if it still feels overwhelming at times. I'm glad you're taking a balanced approach to it and are still checking in with your cheer squad here. I'd also like to add my best wishes!
Do you know how long is left until the exam?
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