Don't need fixin' cause I ain't broken/don't need saving, just someone to hold

Sorry to have been so quiet. Life keeps marching on and I just haven't had a whole lot to say. Still trying to sort out varying fatigue issues and trying to stay a bit more active to help with my knees and other arthritic joins. Still working freelance as a paralegal and professional services consultant (with editing and other creative consulting done as well). I have one steady gig that provides me with 20 hours a week, and a few other clients who have short projects for me from time to time. ( Putting the rest under a cut as it got long. Also content warning for discussion of health issues (mostly fatigue, hormone treatment/balancing, allergies, arthritis). Nothing terribly detailed, but I know not everyone has spoons for health stuff all the time. )

So all in all, I'm doing okay and have no real complaints. Just taking most days as they come. Been listening to a lot of music on the drive to and from work. Highly recommend Beyonce's Cowboy Carter album, it's gorgeous. But another song that has completely caught my heart is the one the title of this post comes from, "On the Road" by Walk Off the Earth.

Watch on YouTube

Ode to Lilacs

The first Pride Poetry workshop I attended focused on Odes, and one of the poems we read was Ode to Smoked Salmon Jerky by Irène P. Mathieu At the end of the workshop we were given about 20 minutes or so to write our own Odes, or at least the start of one and a list of words to help prompt us. I ended up choosing the word lilacs and going from there. One of the things I loved about the poem above was the interweaving of present sensory moments with past memories and historical elements. I tried to do a similar thing with my poem, though I did not follow the exact format of the inspiring poem.

Ode to Lilacs

Born to the lilac city
Long before the lilacs would bloom
Yet their sweet fragrance remains
A stale perfume haunting my memories

This delicate flower brought
From the cradle of humanity
And carried far and wide
Finding a home here
Rooted deep in the valley of the sun’s children
Rooted deep in me

Lush blooms in early spring
Twilight clouds – white, pink, purple
Glowing against verdant leaves
Blooms brief but sweet, returning yearly
A scent of hope lingering in the back of my throat
Taking me back to a home rarely lived in
Yet still such a part of me

The scent fills my lungs and the colors fill my vision
Such brief and potent beauty
A token of spring
And a promise that renewal has come again.

A reminder that I may have wandered far from the roots I sprouted from
That I may be a late bloomer in so many ways
Yet every year I bloom just that much more.

Merry Go Round

The second pride workshop was on spoken word poetry. This poem is one that I feel could be enjoyed both on page and performed, though it probably leans more towards traditional on page format than it does spoken word format.

Merry Go Round

Do you remember?
Hot metal on bare skin
As you first grasped the rail
Running, speed increasing, before jumping on and holding on
The clang and screech of each turn;
A bass line to the song of giggles and laughter
---we spun---
Trees and sky and playground sliding by and by
The dizzy joy of just being
Not thinking of what each turn brings

Do you remember?
Hard landings and skinned knees
Only to jump back up and spin again

Somewhere Somewhen
We are still there
Being kids
Spinning for no reason but joy
Letting go to see if we can fly

Do you remember?

Poems on empty stomach hunger

This month's workshop focus was on Hunger and poetry, more specifically poetry as activism and how it can be used to fight empty stomach hunger. I really appreciated that they distinguished empty stomach hunger from other forms as there are a lot of poems on metaphorical hunger, on emotional hunger, etc. Apparently there aren't as many on the topic of empty stomach hunger. The poet running the workshop also helped organize this website: Poetry X Hunger, which focuses on using poetry to raise awareness and funds to fight hunger worldwide. He encouraged us to submit our poems and I am considering doing so.

This topic is one that hits very close to home for me given that I grew up in a working class and struggling family and am currently on SNAP (food stamps) benefits since I am only working part-time. The rough poem I penned during the workshop turned into two separate poems by the time I was done.

This first one feels more like a spoken word piece, one that is meant to be performed, but I haven't had the spoons to try recording myself reading it yet. The second poem was originally part of the first, but ultimately taken out and reworked as it felt like it's own poem entirely. It's more of a standard blank verse poem. ( I am putting these under a cut because they deal with food and poverty issues as a whole and not just hunger as a topic. Content warnings: Implied disordered eating. Mentions of and references to sensory issues with food, diet culture, poverty shaming, and fat shaming. )