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alee_grrlSometimes you do not realize how badly you've looted your spoon drawer until you run out of all the spoons. This is essentially what has happened to me and why I have not been online or posting much. In the past few months I have (understandably) used up all of my emotional and social spoons and most if not all of my physical spoons. I'm much better at recognizing my physical limits than my social and emotional limits, which can be problematic, though I've gotten better at recognizing all of those limits over the years.
When I think about it I also realize that the last few months involved me needing to be very social. And while I had some downtime where I could just be myself and recoup some spoons, it wasn't a whole lot. So my generation of spoons did not match in any way, shape, or form my use of spoons. This means that now I am foggy, exhausted, and really not much in the mood to be social. I keep informing my brain weasels that this is all very normal for a grieving individual, and not an indication that I am doing something wrong health wise or that something is flaring up.
I am enjoying my trip to Vermont and my heart family is filled with other introverts, which means that we can all sit around and do our own thing and not feel like we have to entertain each other. So that has been nice. I did manage to pull up enough spoons to stop by my former law school and see some of my friends there, which was nice despite being a bit tiring.
I saw my Lyme doctor. He thinks that I am still being overly stimulated by my Effexor and that the recent switch from Amitriptiline to Trazadone (anti-depressants that are used to help sleep disorders) is probably not helping. Apparently Trazadone can interact with the Effexor and cause more stimulation, which does the exact opposite of helping the brain shut off for sleep. So we have cut the Trazadone dose in half and decreased the Effexor. It's also the time of year that we switch back to the Tetracycline since it is much easier to avoid sun in fall and winter months. So when I get home I will be switching my antibiotics over. Thankfully I have until Nov. 3 before I return to work. I should be home by Sunday, maybe Monday evening at the latest. So I'll have nearly a week to recover from the initial herx. I keep reminding myself that I am so much better than I once was and that moving forward with treatment is important and that I will relapse if I do not keep moving forward with treatment.
My doc and I also discussed the things that will help me move forward with my treatment such as controlling my schedule as much as possible so that I can get appropriate amounts of rest, eating properly, and that I am to call him when I am not sleeping properly or having mood issues as well as when I am having physical problems that are from Lyme symptoms. We also talked about the fact that this past year would have been difficult and upsetting even for a healthy person and that having strong emotional reactions to such upsetting and stressful things were normal and healthy. Also that having brain weasels (though he did not use that term) and racing thoughts continuously indicated too much stimulation. So all in all it wasn't too awful of an appointment.
Now I'm going to go run some errands and then start rounding things up so that I can leave out in the morning.
When I think about it I also realize that the last few months involved me needing to be very social. And while I had some downtime where I could just be myself and recoup some spoons, it wasn't a whole lot. So my generation of spoons did not match in any way, shape, or form my use of spoons. This means that now I am foggy, exhausted, and really not much in the mood to be social. I keep informing my brain weasels that this is all very normal for a grieving individual, and not an indication that I am doing something wrong health wise or that something is flaring up.
I am enjoying my trip to Vermont and my heart family is filled with other introverts, which means that we can all sit around and do our own thing and not feel like we have to entertain each other. So that has been nice. I did manage to pull up enough spoons to stop by my former law school and see some of my friends there, which was nice despite being a bit tiring.
I saw my Lyme doctor. He thinks that I am still being overly stimulated by my Effexor and that the recent switch from Amitriptiline to Trazadone (anti-depressants that are used to help sleep disorders) is probably not helping. Apparently Trazadone can interact with the Effexor and cause more stimulation, which does the exact opposite of helping the brain shut off for sleep. So we have cut the Trazadone dose in half and decreased the Effexor. It's also the time of year that we switch back to the Tetracycline since it is much easier to avoid sun in fall and winter months. So when I get home I will be switching my antibiotics over. Thankfully I have until Nov. 3 before I return to work. I should be home by Sunday, maybe Monday evening at the latest. So I'll have nearly a week to recover from the initial herx. I keep reminding myself that I am so much better than I once was and that moving forward with treatment is important and that I will relapse if I do not keep moving forward with treatment.
My doc and I also discussed the things that will help me move forward with my treatment such as controlling my schedule as much as possible so that I can get appropriate amounts of rest, eating properly, and that I am to call him when I am not sleeping properly or having mood issues as well as when I am having physical problems that are from Lyme symptoms. We also talked about the fact that this past year would have been difficult and upsetting even for a healthy person and that having strong emotional reactions to such upsetting and stressful things were normal and healthy. Also that having brain weasels (though he did not use that term) and racing thoughts continuously indicated too much stimulation. So all in all it wasn't too awful of an appointment.
Now I'm going to go run some errands and then start rounding things up so that I can leave out in the morning.
no subject
Date: 2014-10-24 07:56 pm (UTC)::hugs::