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alee_grrlMany of you know that I am a law student, and I have probably mentioned that we are approaching the end of our spring term. This means different things for different classes. For the doctrinal (what many would consider the stereotypical) classes (like what you would see in movies like The Paper Chase, this means a final exam at the end of term (often counting for your entire grade--or the majority of that grade, because having other exams and papers to grade is for non-law professors). For some classes, typically smaller seminar classes that are worth fewer credits, this means turning in a final draft of a paper, due before the start of the final exam period. For skills classes, like trial practice or negotiation, it means demonstrating the skills you've been learning in a practical, hands-on sort of manner prior to the start of the final exam period.
What this means for practical purposes is that the weeks leading up to finals can include the same level of stress inducing, mind-numbing studying and busyness that finals themselves produce. The last month of the term at law school can be noted by the zombie like appearances of the students and the miasmic cloud of stress and despair that seems to emanate outwards from the library and other student study areas. Students are twitchier than the proverbial long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs and high strung doesn't even begin to cover their emotional state.
There is inevitably drama that occurs around this time. Small problems turn into massive messes and things can get ugly quickly. The resulting bout of name-calling and insinuation often occurs on the student listserv or school oriented Facebook pages. So even if you avoid campus, it can be hard to avoid the building tension, stress and fall-out. Plus you still have to go to campus to attend class (pesky ABA requirements and all that), so you can't fully avoid your fellow students in their stress hazes anyway.
This semester's blow-out drama was something that had been building for a while, and things came to a head last week with a slew of Facebook posts. I'm not going to get into details. I simply want to set up the resulting impact for me, and explain how it plays into this weeks marathon of work. I know and am friendly with several people involved, and so wasn't at all sure how to handle the situation. Combine the fact that the drama coincided with our school's annual Take Back the Night event, which I always try to attend and always brings up some shit for me, and came on the heals of having to wonder what I would do if my mother (who I haven't spoken with in nearly ten years) was hospitalized, dying or dead (long story as short as possible: my brother had called me the week before to inform me that my mom was going in for a heart catheter procedure to check for blockages--I promise he was actually nice about it and she turned out to be fine, it still brought up shit load of issues).
Needless to say I was less than functional for two weeks running. Now I knew that today (4/21) would be our final trial practice skills test (thank the gods it is a pass/fail class and if you show up to the skills test and try then you pass). This skill test involved working with a co-counsel (someone else in the same section of the class as you) and conducting a trial from start to finish (minus only the jury selection process). My partner and I chose the civil litigation over the criminal case. We were assigned the plaintiffs side in a fake (meaning the details were "made-up" or combined from real cases and the fact patterns kept vague enough to make it hard as hell, which makes it pretty realistic actually) wrongful death car vs. pedestrian collision. We had to figure out which witnesses to call (and find people to play the witnesses for us, not an easy task this time of semester), determine our theme of the case, assign parts of the case so that one counsel was not doing more than the other, and then show up today and try the case against two other people from a different section of the class. Did I mention that the fake trial would be done in a real court room before a real judge (either a sitting or acting judge, but someone with lots of real life experience)? We had just about two weeks to prep. Our first week was mostly an overview of the case and brainstorming. Then things went into high gear this past week. We did get started on outlining the main elements of the case and starting our outline/plan of our first direct examination. We took the weekend off (I had a huge event with the QUILTBAG group and was not feeling well at all and needed to sleep).
We didn't meet on Monday to work on things, but only because I had a group project due in another class (that somehow myself and every other member of my group managed to forget the due date on, meaning we did it all on Monday) at midnight that night. So starting Tuesday around 5:30 (cause my co-counsel had a presentation due that day) we busted ass to finish our prep and be as ready as possible so as not to make fools of ourselves today. We stopped work at approximately 5:00 yesterday. In the midst of this I developed a head cold. I convinced myself it was just allergies (couldn't afford to be sick, or more sick than normal) and took but loads of medications. I did my best to eat well (though I ate a few things that my doctor would probably chide me for---like scallop scampi) and sleep the proper amount. I was in bed just after ten last night so that I could be up and out the door by 7 this morning. We treated our "witnesses" to breakfast and then headed to the court house for the trial. It was run like a bench trial (just the judge, no jury), because finding a volunteer jury for the Saturday the week before classes end is just asking too much. I was the first up as I was doing the Plaintiff's opening statement, and I was first up on the direct examinations. It was awkward and I when I flubbed refreshing my witness's recollection (because the poor guy had maybe a day to learn the facts), the judge corrected me (very nicely) and walked me through it. He treated the whole trial as a learning experience, and noted afterwards that it was something that practicing attorneys (even those who have been practicing for quite a while) often flub. I was still shaken (already nervous as hell) and embarrassed. Apparently I recovered my poise though, because people were surprised that I was nervous afterwards. I was trembling when I sat down and struggling not to cry, but apparently my acting skills are still good because no one noticed. Even the judge said my poise was good, if a bit timid. In fact that was the thing I got the most criticism on. I can be assertive and hard-hitting, but once I got shaken today I just wasn't able to do it. So it's a good thing to be aware of, so that I can work on it more. We started at about 9:00 and finished the trial around noon. The judge spent an hour critiquing us all, which felt like forever since my bladder was full.
Once we finished, and I got to take pity on my poor bladder, we went to lunch. I couldn't have a celebratory beer, but I did enjoy an ice tea. Mostly I was too exhausted to be happy or even relieved. I did enjoy my hamburger (sans bun) and side salad with oil and vinegar, but I was so ready to be home and out of the fancy clothes (on an unrelated note: if you ever want to get a law student to do something, offer them free food and/or free alcohol). I didn't realize how exhausted I really was til I got home and nearly burst into tears. I was doubting my ability to be a lawyer and wondering why I was doing law school (and then chastising myself because two years in is a bit late to decide that something was a bad idea). After talking with several friends I realized it was just an exhausted reaction to too much stress. I had done my usual disassociation trick (I'm not sick...it's just allergies...I'm fine really) to get through the week. Twenty plus years of convincing yourself that you're fine, that you aren't really sick (after all doctors seemed to insist that it was just stress and I needed to learn to cope--worst medical advice ever, especially for a teen), does a lot of damage and teaches some serious disassociation skills (or converts the ones learned from trauma to a new and handy use). So I took a shower and spent some time reminding myself that I am sick. That even though I am better than I was six months ago, and way better than I was a year ago, I am not yet healthy. That I have a major illness and cannot do things that a healthy able bodied person can do, and that things that my healthier classmates take for granted I cannot. When I think of the things I accomplished this week, crankiness, head-cold and all, in context with the fact that I am not a healthy fully abled person, I have to consider this week a win. I was able to do my fair share of the trial prep, and had I not mentioned to my co-counsel that I was going through treatment for late-stage Lyme he might not have even known. He told me that he was glad he worked with me and that it was less stressful than it could have been (I felt the same way and told him so). We both feel like we shared the work load, and we both were prepared for the trial. Neither one of us fell flat on our faces. So even though I am exhausted this was a good week. Despite the stress, this was a good week.
I am going to take this evening and tomorrow off (other than household chores that have been neglected for too long). I will go to all my classes this week, even if I'm not fully prepared for that specific class. Monday I will shift gears and start review/catch up for my Administrative Law final, which is May 2. On May 3rd I'll shift to preparation and review for my Legal Profession (a strange name for a Legal Ethics course) final, which is on the 9th. Then I am done for the term. I still need to figure out what I can do for the summer other than a couple of classes (classes are only two week terms in the summer). My hope is to volunteer ten or so hours a week with a legal non-profit to get some legal experience on my resume. Whether this will happen is up in the air. I need to get through this semester, and then I will try to find someone who wants and needs free labor on a less than full or part time (part time in the legal world seems to equal 20 hours or more) basis.
TLDR version=law school+life+end of term=big kablooey mess. So now you know why I haven't been around much either here or over at![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
poetree, and why you might not see me around much for the next few weeks. Hopefully things will get less crazy soon and I can get back to having a life (digital or otherwise).
What this means for practical purposes is that the weeks leading up to finals can include the same level of stress inducing, mind-numbing studying and busyness that finals themselves produce. The last month of the term at law school can be noted by the zombie like appearances of the students and the miasmic cloud of stress and despair that seems to emanate outwards from the library and other student study areas. Students are twitchier than the proverbial long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs and high strung doesn't even begin to cover their emotional state.
There is inevitably drama that occurs around this time. Small problems turn into massive messes and things can get ugly quickly. The resulting bout of name-calling and insinuation often occurs on the student listserv or school oriented Facebook pages. So even if you avoid campus, it can be hard to avoid the building tension, stress and fall-out. Plus you still have to go to campus to attend class (pesky ABA requirements and all that), so you can't fully avoid your fellow students in their stress hazes anyway.
This semester's blow-out drama was something that had been building for a while, and things came to a head last week with a slew of Facebook posts. I'm not going to get into details. I simply want to set up the resulting impact for me, and explain how it plays into this weeks marathon of work. I know and am friendly with several people involved, and so wasn't at all sure how to handle the situation. Combine the fact that the drama coincided with our school's annual Take Back the Night event, which I always try to attend and always brings up some shit for me, and came on the heals of having to wonder what I would do if my mother (who I haven't spoken with in nearly ten years) was hospitalized, dying or dead (long story as short as possible: my brother had called me the week before to inform me that my mom was going in for a heart catheter procedure to check for blockages--I promise he was actually nice about it and she turned out to be fine, it still brought up shit load of issues).
Needless to say I was less than functional for two weeks running. Now I knew that today (4/21) would be our final trial practice skills test (thank the gods it is a pass/fail class and if you show up to the skills test and try then you pass). This skill test involved working with a co-counsel (someone else in the same section of the class as you) and conducting a trial from start to finish (minus only the jury selection process). My partner and I chose the civil litigation over the criminal case. We were assigned the plaintiffs side in a fake (meaning the details were "made-up" or combined from real cases and the fact patterns kept vague enough to make it hard as hell, which makes it pretty realistic actually) wrongful death car vs. pedestrian collision. We had to figure out which witnesses to call (and find people to play the witnesses for us, not an easy task this time of semester), determine our theme of the case, assign parts of the case so that one counsel was not doing more than the other, and then show up today and try the case against two other people from a different section of the class. Did I mention that the fake trial would be done in a real court room before a real judge (either a sitting or acting judge, but someone with lots of real life experience)? We had just about two weeks to prep. Our first week was mostly an overview of the case and brainstorming. Then things went into high gear this past week. We did get started on outlining the main elements of the case and starting our outline/plan of our first direct examination. We took the weekend off (I had a huge event with the QUILTBAG group and was not feeling well at all and needed to sleep).
We didn't meet on Monday to work on things, but only because I had a group project due in another class (that somehow myself and every other member of my group managed to forget the due date on, meaning we did it all on Monday) at midnight that night. So starting Tuesday around 5:30 (cause my co-counsel had a presentation due that day) we busted ass to finish our prep and be as ready as possible so as not to make fools of ourselves today. We stopped work at approximately 5:00 yesterday. In the midst of this I developed a head cold. I convinced myself it was just allergies (couldn't afford to be sick, or more sick than normal) and took but loads of medications. I did my best to eat well (though I ate a few things that my doctor would probably chide me for---like scallop scampi) and sleep the proper amount. I was in bed just after ten last night so that I could be up and out the door by 7 this morning. We treated our "witnesses" to breakfast and then headed to the court house for the trial. It was run like a bench trial (just the judge, no jury), because finding a volunteer jury for the Saturday the week before classes end is just asking too much. I was the first up as I was doing the Plaintiff's opening statement, and I was first up on the direct examinations. It was awkward and I when I flubbed refreshing my witness's recollection (because the poor guy had maybe a day to learn the facts), the judge corrected me (very nicely) and walked me through it. He treated the whole trial as a learning experience, and noted afterwards that it was something that practicing attorneys (even those who have been practicing for quite a while) often flub. I was still shaken (already nervous as hell) and embarrassed. Apparently I recovered my poise though, because people were surprised that I was nervous afterwards. I was trembling when I sat down and struggling not to cry, but apparently my acting skills are still good because no one noticed. Even the judge said my poise was good, if a bit timid. In fact that was the thing I got the most criticism on. I can be assertive and hard-hitting, but once I got shaken today I just wasn't able to do it. So it's a good thing to be aware of, so that I can work on it more. We started at about 9:00 and finished the trial around noon. The judge spent an hour critiquing us all, which felt like forever since my bladder was full.
Once we finished, and I got to take pity on my poor bladder, we went to lunch. I couldn't have a celebratory beer, but I did enjoy an ice tea. Mostly I was too exhausted to be happy or even relieved. I did enjoy my hamburger (sans bun) and side salad with oil and vinegar, but I was so ready to be home and out of the fancy clothes (on an unrelated note: if you ever want to get a law student to do something, offer them free food and/or free alcohol). I didn't realize how exhausted I really was til I got home and nearly burst into tears. I was doubting my ability to be a lawyer and wondering why I was doing law school (and then chastising myself because two years in is a bit late to decide that something was a bad idea). After talking with several friends I realized it was just an exhausted reaction to too much stress. I had done my usual disassociation trick (I'm not sick...it's just allergies...I'm fine really) to get through the week. Twenty plus years of convincing yourself that you're fine, that you aren't really sick (after all doctors seemed to insist that it was just stress and I needed to learn to cope--worst medical advice ever, especially for a teen), does a lot of damage and teaches some serious disassociation skills (or converts the ones learned from trauma to a new and handy use). So I took a shower and spent some time reminding myself that I am sick. That even though I am better than I was six months ago, and way better than I was a year ago, I am not yet healthy. That I have a major illness and cannot do things that a healthy able bodied person can do, and that things that my healthier classmates take for granted I cannot. When I think of the things I accomplished this week, crankiness, head-cold and all, in context with the fact that I am not a healthy fully abled person, I have to consider this week a win. I was able to do my fair share of the trial prep, and had I not mentioned to my co-counsel that I was going through treatment for late-stage Lyme he might not have even known. He told me that he was glad he worked with me and that it was less stressful than it could have been (I felt the same way and told him so). We both feel like we shared the work load, and we both were prepared for the trial. Neither one of us fell flat on our faces. So even though I am exhausted this was a good week. Despite the stress, this was a good week.
I am going to take this evening and tomorrow off (other than household chores that have been neglected for too long). I will go to all my classes this week, even if I'm not fully prepared for that specific class. Monday I will shift gears and start review/catch up for my Administrative Law final, which is May 2. On May 3rd I'll shift to preparation and review for my Legal Profession (a strange name for a Legal Ethics course) final, which is on the 9th. Then I am done for the term. I still need to figure out what I can do for the summer other than a couple of classes (classes are only two week terms in the summer). My hope is to volunteer ten or so hours a week with a legal non-profit to get some legal experience on my resume. Whether this will happen is up in the air. I need to get through this semester, and then I will try to find someone who wants and needs free labor on a less than full or part time (part time in the legal world seems to equal 20 hours or more) basis.
TLDR version=law school+life+end of term=big kablooey mess. So now you know why I haven't been around much either here or over at
poetree, and why you might not see me around much for the next few weeks. Hopefully things will get less crazy soon and I can get back to having a life (digital or otherwise).
