Meditation via Tarot Reading
Mar. 28th, 2012 12:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alee_grrlSo I've been feeling rather restless and discontent recently. I decided tonight to sit down and do a tarot reading for myself (though it has been a while since I've done one) as a way to meditate on the issues bothering me. I did it in a slightly different way than I used to, which was to do the reading but no journalling or note taking. Just meditate on the reading quietly in my own thoughts. I realized today how much more helpful it can be to write out those meditation (NB: if you see a slip up in here that replaces meditation with medication, it is probably because I already took my sleepy time medication tonight). After going through the process I feel much calmer and happier about things. As I skimmed over what I wrote I realized that some of my friends might be interested in reading it. If just for ideas on tarot as meditation.
Please note that I do not consider myself a professional tarot card reader, and am open to others interpretations of the cards drawn. For me this was a process of meditation, of checking in with the here and now and how things are going. I would love to hear what others think.
Reading 3/27/12
Reading layout: Celtic Cross
Books and References: The Enchanted Tarot by Amy Zerner and Monte Farbe; various web-resources (found and cross-referenced though Google)
Meditations are my own reflections on each card and its meaning in this reading.
Position 1 (You): Strength
Keywords to consider: Inner strength; compassion; discipline; courage
Meditation: The current battle for health requires a lot of discipline and courage. Often it is tempting to give up and give in, yet the hope of a healthy future guides me onward. This card often symbolizes love and compassion conquering natural fears and the impulses of the body. In my decision to love myself and be more compassionate towards myself, to take better care of myself, I have managed to (mostly) overcome my addiction/cravings towards carbohydrates and sugars. I am slowly overcoming my fears regarding my appearances and the uncertain future. I do still worry that I am not strong enough to overcome the Lyme and be truly healthy. I feel this worry is reflected in this card.
Position 2 (What Covers You): The Emperor
Keywords to consider: Control, Success, Leadership, Discipline, Mastering the unknown
Meditation: Like the previous card, this card seems to indicate my struggle to conquer illness, and additionally my desire/struggle to complete law school. It reflects my desires and effort to be a leader in the community. This card also serves as a reminder that too much control is a bad thing, and trying to control too much leads to a very lonely life. It is good to remember that not everything is within our control and sometimes we have to let go and let things be. This is made very clear in my life right now since I am unable to plan (a tool I have used to control much in my life) in any clear way as too much is up in the air due to treatment. I have absolutely no idea where the future will go or what it will bring. It is both terrifying and freeing.
Position 3 (What Crosses You): The Tower
Keywords to consider: Chaos, Explosive/destructive/forceful change, disillusionment
Meditation: The Tower can be a frightening card to show up in a reading as it usually indicates a time of “spiritual growth,” a time where scary and oftentimes overwhelming change must be faced. However this card symbolizes the growth that follows such destructive change. Just as life returns after the destruction of a flood, so too does it return here. I have experience much change in the past year, and much destruction. On one level was the damage caused by Irene and her floods, on another the damage caused by the Lyme and yeast, and on yet another level the damage caused by a traumatic and abusive childhood. The first brought up old memories of storms and natural disasters, and watching life return after such damage is a vivid illustration of this card. While I have been struggling with the last (consciously) for nearly ten years, the second one is a newer thing in my conscious level of thinking. Knowing that I have Lyme and Yeast overgrowth and going through treatment for both has made me acknowledge and face some very old beliefs. For the longest time I firmly believed that I was lazy, that there was something inherently wrong with my character rather than my body, that I wasn’t truly sick, but that I that something was wrong with me at a core spiritual level. While I have been attacking this somewhat in dealing with the abuse, the notions (or old tapes) have plagued me for decades. Now they have been blown apart, and I am being forced to deal with the fact that I am not lazy, I am not inept or incapable, that there is not something wrong with my character that has caused me to feel as I have for so long. I have been truly sick, with a disease that debilitates and incapacitates, for a very long time. I am learning much about myself right now, about what I am truly capable of. I am growing in the aftermath of this destruction.
Position 4 (What is Beneath You): Nine of Pentacles
Keywords to Consider: gratitude, luxury, self-sufficiency, culmination
Meditation: Eight months ago, working with a new doctor, I set out on a new path. Determined to do what I could to get better, to be healthier rather than endure and cover my symptoms. Having only recently heard of a relatively young (in her 50s) cousin’s death due to oxycontin overdose and misuse, and knowing of many others in my family who suffered due to addiction of one kind or another, I was terrified of the future I had been facing (disability and pain management programs). I went looking for a doctor who might be able to help me and was determined to do what I needed to do. When I was first told of the diet I would need to go on (no sweeteners at all (including fruit) and little to no carbs) I was terrified that I wouldn’t be able to do it. I’ve been addicted to sweets for the longest time and have never succeeded in giving them up in the past. My doctor assures me that is the yeast talking (which I still doubt and find odd); I have found with the Nystatin killing off the yeast and my avoiding the yeast feeding foods that I do not crave sweets and carbs like I used to. It is a very odd thing. Anyway, this sacrifice and the others that I have made to get better (taking longer to finish school, a rigid medication schedule, rigid sleep schedules and lots of rest time) have laid the foundation for the successes I am facing. The improvements that have come my way are based on these choices. I feel that this card reflects my gratitude and the slow moving culmination of my efforts. It is an indication that I am on the right path.
Position 5 (What is Behind You): Eight of Cups
Keywords to Consider: Surrender, Phases, Evolution, Growth, Pilgrimage
Meditation: The Eight of Cups often signifies that the time has come to move on. In this case, I think that that time came and I seized it at the appropriate moment considering that this card is reflecting my recent past. Before last July when I met with my new doctor I was drowning. I had no hope and no direction. I was ready to give up in so many ways. I am thankful I went seeking a new doctor (as my last one was useless), and upon finding one, began on a path of treatment that I was scared spitless of. This has been my pilgrimage, and it isn’t over yet. But hope is a powerful motivator.
Position 6 (What Crowns You): Knight of Cups
Keywords to Consider: New chances, Romance, Charm, Imagination
Meditation: “Cards in this position represent the way in which you would like to see the situation progress in the future. This is the goal you should keep in sight as you work towards it.” The Knight of Cups in closely tied with water elements (passion, fluidity, creativity, intuition). His appearance can indicate in invitation to a creative adventure. Reading that in conjunction with the placement of this card, my feeling is that my goal is to reclaim my creativity and artistic pursuits that have long languished due to illness.
Position 7 (What is Before You): Seven of Swords
Keywords to Consider: Betrayal, deception, getting away with something, stealth
Meditation: An odd card to have in my soon to be future. It could mean any number of things. It could mean that I will need wit and a bit of trickery to avoid a situation or it could mean that I should avoid wit and trickery in dealing with such a situation. I think it is a reminder that challenges arise frequently in ways we cannot plan for. That deception and betrayal can be done by ourselves to ourselves, as well as by one and to another. I must look to see if there are patterns of behavior within myself that might be seen as a betrayal or deception, and work to break those habits. It is a time to keep an open mind and open heart and flow with the punches as the come.
Position 8 (Your Personality): Ace of Wands
Keywords to Consider: Inspiration, power, creation, beginnings, potential
Meditation: Since I cannot plan or research at the moment, this card is a perfect reminder that planning and researching my future is not all that I am. My personality is move diverse that than and more flexible than that. This card is a reminder that right now I am in a pivotal point in my life. As I go through treatment and slowly improve, it is as if my soul has been reignited. The passion and creativity that I had begun to fear had turned to hopeless ash are swirling into flames again. Now is a time of acting, of living in the moment. Each day brings its own challenges and triumphs. But I am learning to be comfortable in this new skin of mine, this strange new world where plans cannot be made and bodies do not stay the same size as they have for two decades.
Position 9 (How Others See You): Ace of Cups
Keywords to Consider: Love, compassion, creativity, overwhelming emotion
Meditation: This is a powerful card to receive for this position. I often worry about how others see me, and so this came as a bit of surprise. Ace of Cups is essentially a card of love—“your cup runneth over” sort of love. This card may indicate that a new opportunity is coming to enjoy positive emotions, love, joy, health and happiness. For me it reflects the feeling I have towards my friends and family who have been so supportive in the last year and then some. These are people who have loved me and cherished me and kept reminding me I was worth loving and cherishing, even when I constantly doubted. This card reminds me of them, and of the amazing abundance of love I feel for them.
Position 10 (Your Hopes and Fears): Ten of Swords
Keywords to Consider: ruin, defeat, crisis, betrayal, endings, loss
Meditation: A very appropriate card for this reading. One of my greatest fears is that treatment will not work, that I will have maybe a year or two (or none) of good health before it tanks again, that I will have to file for disability and will be unable to pay back my student loans, that I will have attempted this all (law school, treatment) for nothing. This ties directly back into the old tapes that I referenced in the Tower medication. Decades of being told you are nothing and will be nothing makes it feel inevitable, even when you’ve since proven that statement wrong. So this fear of failure is a common one for me. So I take many deep breaths, acknowledge my fear and try to let it go (not always so easy). I know that these are things beyond my realm of control, and I work every day to let go of the worry and fear left over from all those old tapes.
Position 11 (The Final Outcome): Two of Wands
Keywords to Consider: Future planning, progress, decisions, discovery
Meditation: In my reading this card shows that I am on the right path. As I continue on this path more chances for discovery and decision making will open up. About the time I finish law school, a whole world of discovery may well re-open, allowing me to reconsider some of the dreams I had placed by the wayside of the years.
Reflections on overall reading:
Overall this is a hopeful reading (or my interpretation of it is). It confirms where I am at now and what I am struggling with at the moment, but it also suggests quite strongly that I am on the right path. The future is looking so hopeful, so bright. I might just have to wear shades. 8-)
Please note that I do not consider myself a professional tarot card reader, and am open to others interpretations of the cards drawn. For me this was a process of meditation, of checking in with the here and now and how things are going. I would love to hear what others think.
Reading 3/27/12
Reading layout: Celtic Cross
Books and References: The Enchanted Tarot by Amy Zerner and Monte Farbe; various web-resources (found and cross-referenced though Google)
Meditations are my own reflections on each card and its meaning in this reading.
Position 1 (You): Strength
Keywords to consider: Inner strength; compassion; discipline; courage
Meditation: The current battle for health requires a lot of discipline and courage. Often it is tempting to give up and give in, yet the hope of a healthy future guides me onward. This card often symbolizes love and compassion conquering natural fears and the impulses of the body. In my decision to love myself and be more compassionate towards myself, to take better care of myself, I have managed to (mostly) overcome my addiction/cravings towards carbohydrates and sugars. I am slowly overcoming my fears regarding my appearances and the uncertain future. I do still worry that I am not strong enough to overcome the Lyme and be truly healthy. I feel this worry is reflected in this card.
Position 2 (What Covers You): The Emperor
Keywords to consider: Control, Success, Leadership, Discipline, Mastering the unknown
Meditation: Like the previous card, this card seems to indicate my struggle to conquer illness, and additionally my desire/struggle to complete law school. It reflects my desires and effort to be a leader in the community. This card also serves as a reminder that too much control is a bad thing, and trying to control too much leads to a very lonely life. It is good to remember that not everything is within our control and sometimes we have to let go and let things be. This is made very clear in my life right now since I am unable to plan (a tool I have used to control much in my life) in any clear way as too much is up in the air due to treatment. I have absolutely no idea where the future will go or what it will bring. It is both terrifying and freeing.
Position 3 (What Crosses You): The Tower
Keywords to consider: Chaos, Explosive/destructive/forceful change, disillusionment
Meditation: The Tower can be a frightening card to show up in a reading as it usually indicates a time of “spiritual growth,” a time where scary and oftentimes overwhelming change must be faced. However this card symbolizes the growth that follows such destructive change. Just as life returns after the destruction of a flood, so too does it return here. I have experience much change in the past year, and much destruction. On one level was the damage caused by Irene and her floods, on another the damage caused by the Lyme and yeast, and on yet another level the damage caused by a traumatic and abusive childhood. The first brought up old memories of storms and natural disasters, and watching life return after such damage is a vivid illustration of this card. While I have been struggling with the last (consciously) for nearly ten years, the second one is a newer thing in my conscious level of thinking. Knowing that I have Lyme and Yeast overgrowth and going through treatment for both has made me acknowledge and face some very old beliefs. For the longest time I firmly believed that I was lazy, that there was something inherently wrong with my character rather than my body, that I wasn’t truly sick, but that I that something was wrong with me at a core spiritual level. While I have been attacking this somewhat in dealing with the abuse, the notions (or old tapes) have plagued me for decades. Now they have been blown apart, and I am being forced to deal with the fact that I am not lazy, I am not inept or incapable, that there is not something wrong with my character that has caused me to feel as I have for so long. I have been truly sick, with a disease that debilitates and incapacitates, for a very long time. I am learning much about myself right now, about what I am truly capable of. I am growing in the aftermath of this destruction.
Position 4 (What is Beneath You): Nine of Pentacles
Keywords to Consider: gratitude, luxury, self-sufficiency, culmination
Meditation: Eight months ago, working with a new doctor, I set out on a new path. Determined to do what I could to get better, to be healthier rather than endure and cover my symptoms. Having only recently heard of a relatively young (in her 50s) cousin’s death due to oxycontin overdose and misuse, and knowing of many others in my family who suffered due to addiction of one kind or another, I was terrified of the future I had been facing (disability and pain management programs). I went looking for a doctor who might be able to help me and was determined to do what I needed to do. When I was first told of the diet I would need to go on (no sweeteners at all (including fruit) and little to no carbs) I was terrified that I wouldn’t be able to do it. I’ve been addicted to sweets for the longest time and have never succeeded in giving them up in the past. My doctor assures me that is the yeast talking (which I still doubt and find odd); I have found with the Nystatin killing off the yeast and my avoiding the yeast feeding foods that I do not crave sweets and carbs like I used to. It is a very odd thing. Anyway, this sacrifice and the others that I have made to get better (taking longer to finish school, a rigid medication schedule, rigid sleep schedules and lots of rest time) have laid the foundation for the successes I am facing. The improvements that have come my way are based on these choices. I feel that this card reflects my gratitude and the slow moving culmination of my efforts. It is an indication that I am on the right path.
Position 5 (What is Behind You): Eight of Cups
Keywords to Consider: Surrender, Phases, Evolution, Growth, Pilgrimage
Meditation: The Eight of Cups often signifies that the time has come to move on. In this case, I think that that time came and I seized it at the appropriate moment considering that this card is reflecting my recent past. Before last July when I met with my new doctor I was drowning. I had no hope and no direction. I was ready to give up in so many ways. I am thankful I went seeking a new doctor (as my last one was useless), and upon finding one, began on a path of treatment that I was scared spitless of. This has been my pilgrimage, and it isn’t over yet. But hope is a powerful motivator.
Position 6 (What Crowns You): Knight of Cups
Keywords to Consider: New chances, Romance, Charm, Imagination
Meditation: “Cards in this position represent the way in which you would like to see the situation progress in the future. This is the goal you should keep in sight as you work towards it.” The Knight of Cups in closely tied with water elements (passion, fluidity, creativity, intuition). His appearance can indicate in invitation to a creative adventure. Reading that in conjunction with the placement of this card, my feeling is that my goal is to reclaim my creativity and artistic pursuits that have long languished due to illness.
Position 7 (What is Before You): Seven of Swords
Keywords to Consider: Betrayal, deception, getting away with something, stealth
Meditation: An odd card to have in my soon to be future. It could mean any number of things. It could mean that I will need wit and a bit of trickery to avoid a situation or it could mean that I should avoid wit and trickery in dealing with such a situation. I think it is a reminder that challenges arise frequently in ways we cannot plan for. That deception and betrayal can be done by ourselves to ourselves, as well as by one and to another. I must look to see if there are patterns of behavior within myself that might be seen as a betrayal or deception, and work to break those habits. It is a time to keep an open mind and open heart and flow with the punches as the come.
Position 8 (Your Personality): Ace of Wands
Keywords to Consider: Inspiration, power, creation, beginnings, potential
Meditation: Since I cannot plan or research at the moment, this card is a perfect reminder that planning and researching my future is not all that I am. My personality is move diverse that than and more flexible than that. This card is a reminder that right now I am in a pivotal point in my life. As I go through treatment and slowly improve, it is as if my soul has been reignited. The passion and creativity that I had begun to fear had turned to hopeless ash are swirling into flames again. Now is a time of acting, of living in the moment. Each day brings its own challenges and triumphs. But I am learning to be comfortable in this new skin of mine, this strange new world where plans cannot be made and bodies do not stay the same size as they have for two decades.
Position 9 (How Others See You): Ace of Cups
Keywords to Consider: Love, compassion, creativity, overwhelming emotion
Meditation: This is a powerful card to receive for this position. I often worry about how others see me, and so this came as a bit of surprise. Ace of Cups is essentially a card of love—“your cup runneth over” sort of love. This card may indicate that a new opportunity is coming to enjoy positive emotions, love, joy, health and happiness. For me it reflects the feeling I have towards my friends and family who have been so supportive in the last year and then some. These are people who have loved me and cherished me and kept reminding me I was worth loving and cherishing, even when I constantly doubted. This card reminds me of them, and of the amazing abundance of love I feel for them.
Position 10 (Your Hopes and Fears): Ten of Swords
Keywords to Consider: ruin, defeat, crisis, betrayal, endings, loss
Meditation: A very appropriate card for this reading. One of my greatest fears is that treatment will not work, that I will have maybe a year or two (or none) of good health before it tanks again, that I will have to file for disability and will be unable to pay back my student loans, that I will have attempted this all (law school, treatment) for nothing. This ties directly back into the old tapes that I referenced in the Tower medication. Decades of being told you are nothing and will be nothing makes it feel inevitable, even when you’ve since proven that statement wrong. So this fear of failure is a common one for me. So I take many deep breaths, acknowledge my fear and try to let it go (not always so easy). I know that these are things beyond my realm of control, and I work every day to let go of the worry and fear left over from all those old tapes.
Position 11 (The Final Outcome): Two of Wands
Keywords to Consider: Future planning, progress, decisions, discovery
Meditation: In my reading this card shows that I am on the right path. As I continue on this path more chances for discovery and decision making will open up. About the time I finish law school, a whole world of discovery may well re-open, allowing me to reconsider some of the dreams I had placed by the wayside of the years.
Reflections on overall reading:
Overall this is a hopeful reading (or my interpretation of it is). It confirms where I am at now and what I am struggling with at the moment, but it also suggests quite strongly that I am on the right path. The future is looking so hopeful, so bright. I might just have to wear shades. 8-)
no subject
Date: 2012-03-28 03:46 pm (UTC)Also glad that my posting may have inspired someone else to do a reading. :)