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To endings and new beginnings
Sep. 30th, 2022 09:17 pmToday was my last day at the firm I've worked with for the past five years, and mostly I just feel a stunning amount of relief to be done with it. Talking with my heart-mom this evening made me realize how much I hadn't even acknowledged to myself the issues and frustrations I had with this particular workplace or how toxic it was. Unlike the last really shitty job I had, the red flags were way more subtle and took a long time to really notice. I do think my boss, his wife, and the other senior attorney at the firm are not bad people necessarily, just deeply self-involved and out of touch with the reality that most of us deal with on a day-to-day basis.
But over the last year, I've really paid more attention and realized that while they say all the right things, their actions often don't back them up. They might say they support your need to take sick leave, but will then make little snide comments or passive-aggressive remarks that suggest that they really think that maybe you're just lazy. And you could never predict if you were going to get the kind and supportive co-worker/boss or the passive-aggressive one.
It's easier to see now that the depression, anxiety, and physical health issues I've dealt with contributed to my refusing to admit to anyone (myself most especially) that I was miserable and frustrated and that the workplace was not a healthy one. I had hoped I'd gotten better about not lying to myself to try to survive shitty situations, but, apparently, that's a lesson I still need to work on. Thankfully, I am doing the work.
And now I'm quit of the place and hopefully have learned to better see more subtle workplace issues and red flags. The next two weeks will be busy with packing and cleaning. Then I'll haul my stuff and self down to Virginia and work on getting settled into my temp lodgings with family. Then it will be job hunting and settling in further. All part of the next adventure. I'm looking forward to seeing where this takes me.
But over the last year, I've really paid more attention and realized that while they say all the right things, their actions often don't back them up. They might say they support your need to take sick leave, but will then make little snide comments or passive-aggressive remarks that suggest that they really think that maybe you're just lazy. And you could never predict if you were going to get the kind and supportive co-worker/boss or the passive-aggressive one.
It's easier to see now that the depression, anxiety, and physical health issues I've dealt with contributed to my refusing to admit to anyone (myself most especially) that I was miserable and frustrated and that the workplace was not a healthy one. I had hoped I'd gotten better about not lying to myself to try to survive shitty situations, but, apparently, that's a lesson I still need to work on. Thankfully, I am doing the work.
And now I'm quit of the place and hopefully have learned to better see more subtle workplace issues and red flags. The next two weeks will be busy with packing and cleaning. Then I'll haul my stuff and self down to Virginia and work on getting settled into my temp lodgings with family. Then it will be job hunting and settling in further. All part of the next adventure. I'm looking forward to seeing where this takes me.
