Poem: The War Within

[alee_grrl]

This is one that's been germinating in the back of my mind for a while. It might take a few rewrites yet to get it right where I want it, but I thought I'd go ahead and post it. Thoughts and constructive criticism welcome.

The War Within

Long term disease, chronic illness, isn't a *fight*,
isn't a boxing match where you see who won this round.
It is entrenched guerrilla warfare within your own body.

The invading disease is persistent and hungry for life,
and our immune systems defenses are weakened
by the constant and brutal assault
or tricked by the adaptability of the invading disease,
made to think that maybe this somehow belongs.

Each treatment, each drug is another piece of armament
for our rallying immune system, that little bit extra
to help turn the tide of the war. We must ensure nutrition
and hydration, or the immune system will weaken more
And we must vigilantly guard against opportunists
that would take advantage of our weakened state.

In bodies that are tired out from an internal war,
we must still find the energy to live our lives
to do all the things we need to do to improve
our chances of survival, and hope that our victory is a final one.

It is accepting and coping with the fact that
you have to hurt yourself to hurt the invading disease
it has become a part of you. Every bit of treatment
comes with a price for you, because you can't separate
the two. You will get sicker before you ever start improving.

And just when you are feeling decent,
time will come for the next round
and you show up at your doctor's and
take the treatment as directed
because you want to survive this war.

Yes, we are fighters
but not in some ring side boxing match
we fight in a war that might not end for us
it is a war that we might fight until death
Yes, we are fighters
But more importantly we are survivors.
We will keep going until we can go no more
and then ask our friends to carry us further if they are able
until we can pick ourselves up and go on again.

Comments

[jjhunter]

In bodies that are tied out from an internal war,

tied or tired?

As for the rest, powerful & food for thought. Thank you for trusting us with this.

[alee_grrl]

That should be tired. Thank you for pointing that out. :)

[breezeshadow]

Very interesting. I will note that in the second and third stanza "Weak" and "immune system" are repeated somewhat often. I do not know if this was purposeful, but it threw things off a bit for me. Otherwise, I feel like many people could relate to this.

[alee_grrl]

It wasn't purposeful and will be a good think for me to focus on in revision. Thank you for the feedback, it is very much appreciated.

[lynnoconnacht]

Wow. Just wow.

I was thrown a bit by the repetition of "immune system" in the third stanza too, but I didn't pick up on the repetition of 'weak'. Minor thing, though.

It's a very, very powerful and grabbing piece with a lot of food for thought (as jjuhunter said) and I want to rush around and share it with everyone because it is that powerful a read.

[alee_grrl]

Aw thank you. Feel free to share. I might do some revision of it though. But I don't mind my work being shared. I'm glad it was a powerful read.