Poems: "Worn" and "Patched"

[alee_grrl]

So I have managed to write two shorter poems the past few weeks. "Patched" was actually written first, but I put it second here because it flows thematically from the first.


Worn

I am worn
thin
like the denim
between my thighs
expectation
rubs against
reality
my soul grows hot
from the friction
nerves stretch
fray
rough-edged
fragile
I am worn


Patched

I have held my soul together
with duct tape and bailing wire
gorilla glue and odd bits of string

My heart's been patched
my nerves stretched to breaking
soothed and mended

I'm a practical girl, I use what's to hand
sometimes it's all you got
but hey, all these years and I'm still here.

Comments

[jelazakazone]

I actually think either one could go first.

I would say lovely, but they aren't lovely exactly, but they really describe a condition very well. I maybe too disrupted by DST to be articulate.

[alee_grrl]

Thank you.

DST? I'm having trouble remembering what this stands for. If it is anything similar to brain fog and it's similar condition, Lyme brain, then I understand perfectly.

I am glad that they are successful in describing the condition well. It is hard sometimes to call a poem that describes or deals with harder issues lovely, but sometimes they are. Sometimes the word choice, phrasing and structure create a beautiful frame around a harsh reality or condition.

To me this two are tired poems. Not stunning works of art, but a good reflection of this state. They are frank and honest. And I like to think that there is beauty in that.

Thank you so much for your review. You kind words are very appreciated.

[jelazakazone]

DST=daylight savings time

Yes, I think that you have done a good job of creating a mood with simple words and images that really translate well. I don't think the poems themselves are tired, but the mood is tired. Nothing wrong with that, especially when that's what they are reflecting and representing.

I like to encourage creative expression, whatever the form. So if something strikes me, I try very hard to comment. Ie, you are welcome!

[alee_grrl]

DST=daylight savings time
Ah yes, that was today. No wonder I'm having a hard time thinking.

I really do appreciate the comments. It means a a lot to me. :) Thank you.

And now I'm off to bed before I fall asleep over the keyboard.

[untonuggan]

I really identify with both of these. <3 And feeling very worn myself this evening, so I cannot leave a very coherent comment, but I love the image at the beginning of the first poem (thin denim between thighs). That really pulled me in.

There is an Arab singer called Feyrouz and she has a song about Lebanon that my partner translated for me, and there is a word in Arabic that is often translated as "undress" but really means "take off [like clothes]". In one of Feyrouz's songs about nostalgia and Lebanon &c, she sings (roughly translated from memory, but I think I posted it on my journal somewhere): "undress me, and plant me in the soil of Lebanon." It's a really lovely song that my partner sometimes sings to me, and that's what those lines reminded me of.

[alee_grrl]

Thank you. :)

The song you described sounds lovely. :)

[raze]

Lots of powerful imagery here - I'm deeply sorry to hear you feel this way, but also appreciate you sharing.

On a more light-hearted note: Gorilla Glue is impressive.

[alee_grrl]

Thank you.

Gorilla Glue is pretty impressive stuff. It was one of the things we used to fixed broken furniture around my house growing up.