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Dear law school administrators--not everyone has a financial safety net to fall back on
As if I wasn't stressed out enough trying to finish my appellate brief and get it turned in early, I get an email from the Academic Success folks (they are now in charge of medical accommodations) asking me to come in and chat about my accommodation request. In the beginning of October I sat down with the various folks involved and discussed what was going on with my health and how I was struggling this semester. We decided the best thing I could do was drop a class. However this would take me below the minimum number of hours required to be a full-time student (From 10 to 8). I had originally planned for a lighter course load, knowing that I would likely be in the midst of a new treatment plan. However, I didn't plan on Irene triggering old PTSD scars, or my PCP changing my medications in a way that negatively interacted with my chronic lyme treatment. The beginning of this semester was kind of a perfect storm of factors that led to me needing to reduce my course load more than I had anticipated. It was a tough decision, but the one that made the most sense. Today I was told that the school was worried by this accommodation and that should I need to ask for a similar accommodation next semester I may want to consider taking a medical leave of absence. After all taking out full loans for a light semester of course work, and then having to take out more loans for additional semesters would mean a larger amount of debt. "That's a very expensive decision." No shit, Sherlock. What annoyed me most was he spoke as if I hadn't thought of this already and mourned the fact that I will be paying off student loans til I die. Problem was I had already explained to both him and the other person who was involved in accommodation decisions why a medical leave of absence was not a feasible option for me.
In fact, the one thing I stressed in every conversation with these people was that there was no way I could afford to take a medical leave of absence. In order to pay my rent, buy food, have health insurance and pay any other bills I have to be school and have access to my loans, or I have to have a full time job. I am fully aware that I will be in debt to the tune of $120,000 or more after graduating, and yes, this is a terrifying thought. However the alternative's are even more frightening. I cannot imagine trying to hold down a full-time job and go through treatment. At least being in school gives me some flexibility with my hours. So I can take naps when I need them. Since it is unlikely that I could hold down a full-time job, I would be forced to try to make do on part-time wages. I would have no health insurance, would likely be unable to pay for rent or other bills and would still wind up massively in debt due to medical bills (if I could even get the care I needed). My grandmother lives off her retirement, and my dad, though he has a stable income for now, doesn't make a lot of money. He's able to help me out a bit now and then (and send a gift here and there--mostly purchased with Amazon reward points), but only because the man has no hobbies and just doesn't spend much of what he makes on anything extra. However, no one in my family could afford to take on my medical bills, let alone my living expenses, for the two years that treatment is likely to take. My friends who I consider family are just as broke as I am. If I took a leave of absence I would have to apply for SSDI, which I likely wouldn't get because this is a fully treatable condition and I should (all things going well) be healthy in the two or so years the treatment takes. I'm a single woman, who from the government's view would be considered able-bodied, which means I would only qualify for food stamps and medical assistance for a limited time. Even if I was eligible for SSDI, it would take years to go through the process. The only family who I could conceivably see moving in with during such a leave of absence lives over 3000 miles away. My car, which is in good shape despite the mileage, has over 300,000 miles on it. Start adding up the cost of car maintenance, gas, hotel and food, then add in the rent I would be unable to pay, the groceries I would be consuming, and the medical costs.
The cost of taking a semester off would be just a expensive as the cost of taking longer to finish school. Perhaps even more expensive. Plus there are "soft" costs like trying to find a doctor who will continue on a similar treatment path (one that is working) when the disease is considered controversial by the majority of the medical community. The stress of taking on a cross-country move, finding a new doctor and leaving law school (and thus feeling like a failure, even if it was only a short term absence) would set my treatment plan back and make recovery even harder. However, if I am willing to take on a semester (two at max) more debt (fully acknowledging how substantial that debt is), I can stay where I am at and slowly work towards my two goals: getting my law degree and recovering my health. I am able to keep the doctor who is effectively treating my issues. I have health insurance so my treatment is possible. I have a large support network, but do not feel as if I am a burden on anyone. I am not at risk of being homeless. What part of "I can not afford to take a semester off" did this guy not understand the first time we had this conversation? Hopefully this go round I was able to convey this adequately, and show that, yes, I have thought this through and am fully aware of the cost.
I did at least finish my brief and turn it in. Of course since my mood was already depressed thanks to the super cheerful conversation with the academic success folks, I didn't feel elated. Instead I felt like I had just turned in a piece of crap that probably wasn't long enough and probably didn't have enough cites. Even though I felt pretty confident the day before when I was proofreading the damn thing. Later in the weekend I can work on catching up with other classes and practicing for my oral arguments. Tomorrow, I'm taking the day off from law school stuff and celebrating my birthday. 32 years on this earth. Holy shit.
In fact, the one thing I stressed in every conversation with these people was that there was no way I could afford to take a medical leave of absence. In order to pay my rent, buy food, have health insurance and pay any other bills I have to be school and have access to my loans, or I have to have a full time job. I am fully aware that I will be in debt to the tune of $120,000 or more after graduating, and yes, this is a terrifying thought. However the alternative's are even more frightening. I cannot imagine trying to hold down a full-time job and go through treatment. At least being in school gives me some flexibility with my hours. So I can take naps when I need them. Since it is unlikely that I could hold down a full-time job, I would be forced to try to make do on part-time wages. I would have no health insurance, would likely be unable to pay for rent or other bills and would still wind up massively in debt due to medical bills (if I could even get the care I needed). My grandmother lives off her retirement, and my dad, though he has a stable income for now, doesn't make a lot of money. He's able to help me out a bit now and then (and send a gift here and there--mostly purchased with Amazon reward points), but only because the man has no hobbies and just doesn't spend much of what he makes on anything extra. However, no one in my family could afford to take on my medical bills, let alone my living expenses, for the two years that treatment is likely to take. My friends who I consider family are just as broke as I am. If I took a leave of absence I would have to apply for SSDI, which I likely wouldn't get because this is a fully treatable condition and I should (all things going well) be healthy in the two or so years the treatment takes. I'm a single woman, who from the government's view would be considered able-bodied, which means I would only qualify for food stamps and medical assistance for a limited time. Even if I was eligible for SSDI, it would take years to go through the process. The only family who I could conceivably see moving in with during such a leave of absence lives over 3000 miles away. My car, which is in good shape despite the mileage, has over 300,000 miles on it. Start adding up the cost of car maintenance, gas, hotel and food, then add in the rent I would be unable to pay, the groceries I would be consuming, and the medical costs.
The cost of taking a semester off would be just a expensive as the cost of taking longer to finish school. Perhaps even more expensive. Plus there are "soft" costs like trying to find a doctor who will continue on a similar treatment path (one that is working) when the disease is considered controversial by the majority of the medical community. The stress of taking on a cross-country move, finding a new doctor and leaving law school (and thus feeling like a failure, even if it was only a short term absence) would set my treatment plan back and make recovery even harder. However, if I am willing to take on a semester (two at max) more debt (fully acknowledging how substantial that debt is), I can stay where I am at and slowly work towards my two goals: getting my law degree and recovering my health. I am able to keep the doctor who is effectively treating my issues. I have health insurance so my treatment is possible. I have a large support network, but do not feel as if I am a burden on anyone. I am not at risk of being homeless. What part of "I can not afford to take a semester off" did this guy not understand the first time we had this conversation? Hopefully this go round I was able to convey this adequately, and show that, yes, I have thought this through and am fully aware of the cost.
I did at least finish my brief and turn it in. Of course since my mood was already depressed thanks to the super cheerful conversation with the academic success folks, I didn't feel elated. Instead I felt like I had just turned in a piece of crap that probably wasn't long enough and probably didn't have enough cites. Even though I felt pretty confident the day before when I was proofreading the damn thing. Later in the weekend I can work on catching up with other classes and practicing for my oral arguments. Tomorrow, I'm taking the day off from law school stuff and celebrating my birthday. 32 years on this earth. Holy shit.